All At Once

Over the last two week I missed lots of doctor's appointments.

Podiatrist.

Opthamologist.

Cardiologist.

Diabetesologist (my diabetes doctor is not an endo).

With the holiday and work being nutso, I had to cancel them all. It's tough to ask for all the time off for doctors appointments when you have to see so many. 

No one else in the office has medical needs like I do and it's almost embarassing to say "I have to go to the doctors." AGAIN!?

I wish I could take a day off and see them all but there is no way to coordinate a day like this since my doctors are all over town! Ultimately I know I have to get in to see them all. And all for very important reasons.

Having neuropathy in my feet makes the Podiatrist appointment a high priority. I have my wife look at my feet every night but there are some issues with the bottoms of my feet and bone structure that we are keeping an eye on. 

After the heart issue a few years back, seeing the Cardiologist is a high priority. I need to follow up and see when we need to schedule another stress test and EKG. Dad died of a heart attack at 42 and since that age is coming up for me in a few months, I am wee bit concerned. History repeats and genes and all that jazz.

Mine eyes have seen dialation only several months ago, but my optho saw a minor bleed she had not seen before, so she told to come back real soon to see if its bled more, this is high priority! (that didn't end as strong as I had hoped)

After getting an A1C at a terribly high number, and FINALLY getting a Dexcom sensor in me (thank you Sara!) I need to get in to see my doc. I also showed a high level of cortisol which my doctor is concerned about. He actually wants me to repeat he cortisol test again to be sure there is an issue. It may explain my insulin resistance. This is a high priority.

So what do you do? I have to work. I have to have a job. I cannot take a ton of time off. When these all are hitting at the same time I give up and cancel them all. It's too stressful thinking about it all. 

I think today I will call one at a time and schedule them out at least a week apart. I have to have room to breathe. Diabetes and caring for it can be so exhausting. 

Regrouping and coming up with a plan helps me to not get stressed out too much. 

No stress is a high priority! 

Planning The Trip

I don't know if I can pull it off but the very first step has been taken.

For those of your who don't get my reference above I am talking about the Friends for Life conference in Orlando, Florida. I have only attended 1 FFL several years ago and since then I have wanted to attend each one since but have not been able to. Heck I am not sure I can make it this time but at least I got the time off of work already.

This year it feels like I need the conference more than ever. I need that community, that feeling of being normal, the friends for life that I need hugs from.

Lately I have been in a funk, a serious funk. I need to refocus, refresh, and reconnect. Just writing this post makes me feel better. It's funny how that works and yet I have stayed pretty silent online. What is the deal?

This is the funk I am talking about and what I hope to remedy in a big old bowl of DOC love in Florida.

Will I see you there?  

Strolling to Vegas

Quick game! Of the following three statements, only one is an absolute fact. 

1. Las Vegas is about 250 miles away from me. 

2. Diabetes can be cured by eating cinnamon and cupcakes.

3. Bacon is delicious.

Ok, I guess Las Vegas actually is about 250 miles from me so there are, in fact, two facts. Sorry ;)

(correct answers are 1 and 3)

Last year you may have remembered that yours truly was able to visit the 702 (Las Vegas' area code in case you were wondering) with my mom and walk on team TriSaraTops at the JDRF Walk for a Cure!

Well, this year I cannot be there because I will be speaking on a panel at Diabetes Sisters. Bummer.

So I am going to be virtually walking to Vegas this week in hopes to "make it there" with your help! 

My goal is $1 per mile or for those of you paying attention $250! I really wish I could be there to actually walk but this virtual walk allows me to help a great cause like the JDRF and participate in a great event like Diabetes Sisters.

So what do you say? Can you get me a few miles closer to Vegas? Every mile counts!

THANKS A HEAP!

New Swing

I just realized I missed my diaversary of 24 years on October 2^nd. I also totally forgot about No D Day. There was also my 8 year anniversary of being smoke free that I missed in August.

Gone are the days when I would come home from work and be ready to write a post or read about my friends in the DOC. When I would spend hours on Twitter and Facebook learning, connecting, and supporting.

My life has become so busy that when I do get free time I just want to sit and not think about anything.

And with that you know what also suffers…

My bg’s have been all over the place when I actually check them. I have been waking up below 60 for months. Months.

Haven’t adjusted anything even when I woke below 40 several times. I just don’t care right now.

I recognize that this is a pattern, a process I go through now and then and it looks like I am on the tail end of another cycle. My need to write and share as well as catch up with others is really digging its way into my head.

DSMA Live is still something I am apart of but rarely seem to make it to a broadcast. My day job makes it difficult to be available at 6PM sometimes. But last night I was on just a few minutes after it started and I sat there the entire time with nothing to say. Nothing. I just listening to my co-hosts handle the show as I sat there speechless. I did nothing.

That made me feel like such a loser. A few years ago I would have given up a lot of things to be an advocate and participate in something like DSMA Live and now I feel totally inadequate.

Of course you can tell that this is all me doing this to myself. I see that. I get it. So how do I get over it? I think I just try to find my footing and continue on and see what happens. Who knows?

My life has always been an open book in hopes that others will learn or connect with what I have gone through to maybe help them on their way. This is no different. This is why I am writing this. This is why I am telling you how I feel. Not to be fixed but to let you know that I am okay. The focus of my life changed both by my own hand and by the needs of my employer. After you have focused on one thing for so long it is hard to get back into the old swing of things.

Maybe that is it. Maybe I need a new swing?

Anyhow, the main concern for me, as it should be, is the lack of care when it comes to my health. I have to get back into caring about my health. I have to. I have to.

“Have to” makes it sound like such a chore. Can I say, “I get to take care of myself?” Does “get to” make a “have to” a privilege? I don’t think I can repackage “taking care of myself” as a privilege. But there is something to that idea I think??? I will have to explore that thought.

TL:DR – Been slacking at diabetes care. Ready to get it going again.

Voices Carry

I love music.

From as far back as I can remember music has been a part of my life. Either listening to records in my living room with my entire family or singing songs around a campfire. Music has always been and always will be a part of my life.

I love to sing.

Going back to listening to those records as a kid lead me to sing along with every song I could! My sisters and I would “perform” albums as they played on the record player. The Grease Soundtrack, Earth Wind and Fire’s greatest hits volume 1, The Sound of Music, and stacks of 45’s were the first songs I learned to love, sing, and perform.

It wasn’t until my sisters where in high school that I found the love for choral music. One Christmas program when the choir sang the “Halleluiah Chorus” from Handel’s Messiah is was did it. The orchestra, the timpani drum, those first sopranos reaching out with their angelic voices to hit notes I never knew possible, all made my heart long to be on stage singing in a choir someday.

But why would I need to sing when so many sing so beautifully? What could I add that would make any difference at all? Listen to that sound! How could I make it any better?

The thing is I probably can’t. My voice may be heard if it were awful but that is not what I want. I would want to blend in and enjoy the sound of all our voices together. Still, why do it? The choir is already a choir and doesn’t need me. Or does it?

What if all those people up there felt the way I did and felt they really didn’t need to sing? There has to be a choir somewhere? Someone has to sing something right? And what is the number of people required to make it all work anyway? And how do I know if just one more voice may make it perfect? Maybe some number that no one knows would take the choir to a place no one ever dreamed!

And what about me? Maybe I should sing because I need to sing? Maybe joining a choir is what I need to become a better singer and a happier person. Maybe I need to sing more than anyone needs to hear me sing?

Sometimes it may feel like only the best singers are heard and that is not the case at all. Maybe some of the mics are close to certain people but there is always a better singer somewhere. The main thing to remember is that every voice matters and if you want to sing then SING! With your whole heart sing but never allow yourself to feel insignificant because you think the choir sounds pretty good already.

The truth is, you may be just the thing the choir needs to take it to the next level.