A Lot of Steps

About 6 years my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I thank God every day that I can say that my mother is a survivor of this awful challenge in her life. Ever year since she was diagnosed my mom, sisters, and my wife participate in the Revlon Run-Walk to fight women's cancers. Its always the day before Mother's Day and has become a great tradition. All of us guys watch all of the kids as the Gals in our lives walk for a cure.

What I have noticed is that I always get a little bitter each year when this day nears. No one in my family has ever thought about doing a Diabetes walk or at least has verbalized their interest to me. I feel so hurt as if I am just on my own and don't have the support of my family and friends but at the same time I feel guilty becuase what they are walking for is a GREAT cause!

I had a long conversation with a very good friend the other night and finally expressed this feeling. This friend by the way lost her mother to cancer several years back. She is so understanding and caring that I knew I was safe bringing this up. I told her that I felt like saying, "Mom HAD cancer, I HAVE diabetes!!!!" But I would never say that. I couldn't. Hell, I deleted that sentence twice before I finally moved on to type this one.

What she said to me made so much sense. She said, "You can't expect people to understand Diabetes. People see it as a manageble disease and if they don't have it then they don't think about it much. Cancer automatically puts everyone in "Oh My God!" mode and they instantly connect it to death."

This totally hit me....hard.

What have I done to educate my family? What have I done to show that I want to be a Diabetes Advocate? When have I ever truly shown any interest in my disease? When have I ever expressed my true feeling about this to my family? Never.

My family does not know how my life has changed recently. My new found Born Again attitude towards Diabetes and my desire and drive to get better, get managed, and get healthy.

So with that, I have created a team to join the American Walk for Diabetes in November. I know it's a while from now but I figure that gives me enough time to get a lot of sponsers and get the word out. I have already asked my wife, sisters, and my good friends and they are all interested. I feel so much better.

One of my sisters said, "Dude we have been waiting for you to tell us about something like this. Count me in!"

I am such a dork.

The Day We Met

I have had a weight problem all of my life. To put it into perspective, I have the same waist size now that I did when I was 10 years old!

When I got into 7th grade I hit the most I have ever weighed. I was at 265 lbs. It was awful and so I started eating a little better and walking to and from school. My Freshman year, I was in marching band and busy with school so I started losing weight, rapidly. All this time, my mother had noticed a change in my behavior. I was very rebellious and my moods changed faster Vanna White during commercial breaks. My mom was sure that it was just the teenager thing.

I was also thirsty all of the time. I would get up about 4 times during each night to use the restroom and it seemed like I was getting sick and feeling awful for a long time. I went to the doctors and they did blood work and said that my sugar was a little high but that I probably had a large meal the night before. First off, it was a fasting blood sugar and every meal at this point in my life was large!

On October 2nd of 1990, I was at Drum rehearsal on a Monday night and my drum instructor looked at me and asked if I was feeling okay. I told him that I had a headache but other then that I felt fine. He said I looked as white as a ghost and for a Cuban, Puerto Rican guy like me, white as a ghost is not even possible unless something is wrong. He told me to sit down and he called my mom to pick me up from practice.

I should add that at this time I weighed 160 lbs and looked very sickly. I really didn’t care because I was the thinnest I had ever been.

She took me straight to urgent care. Once there they checked my blood with a Glucose meter and said, “You’re Diabetic.” Just like that. I said, “well maybe I had a large meal.” The nurse replied, “If you did not have diabetes you could have just eaten a pound of sugar and your reading would not be this high!” I was at 504. I asked what normal was. “70 to 110” she said. I freaked out.

Not two years earlier my Type 2 Grandma (one of the two) started taking insulin and I remember saying to myself, “I would rather die then have to give myself shots for the rest of my life!” Famous last words…

The nurse then told me that a nurse would be coming to my house in the morning to give me a shot and to teach me how to give them to myself. For the next month I came in to the lab twice a day for blood tests. I was a regular pin cushion.

My father called me on the phone the night I was diagnosed. He was out of town on training and for the second and last time in my life, I heard my father cry. He was so scared and also felt very guilty as if his genes were the reason I had this disease. I remember to this day how scared I was to hear him cry. He was a Sheriff and always my rock. I think that was the first moment that I realized that this was a life changing and life long event.

My mother also kept blaming herself and the doctor had to reassure her that being a Type 1, was nobody’s fault. I spent most of my senior year in and out of the doctors and missed a ton of school. I almost did not graduate because I missed the last week of finals but my teachers let me take the finals the week of graduation practice and I passed just in time to walk during the ceremony.

I know that being diagnosed at age 17 has it’s pluses and minuses. I mean, sometimes I wish that I would have had it at a younger age so it would have been just a part of my life but then again, at least I had a few years to enjoy like shot free. The biggest problem that I found was that feeling of being different and knowing that something was wrong with me. It’s hard enough trying to figure yourself out personality wise as a teen and now not even understanding your own health and body made for a very difficult experience.

I know we all have our challenges no matter what age or how each of us gets introduced to our disease. One thing I have learned is that we are not alone. The support and friends I have made online have really changed my perspective so much.

Thanks.

Hee Hee

I couldn't resist. What would I do without my blog? Live a lonely diabetic life with no one to share my bizarro thoughts and complain to?

Anyhow....hoped you liked my attempt to fool y'all!

A Bold Message

Hello all. I am sad to say this will be my very last post. My wife thinks that I would rather spend time online then with my family. I know it sucks. But my home life should come first.

I hope you all understand... Bye!