Last week I had a doctors appointment. It ended with blood being drawn, urine being collected, and an exam that was one step away from a T&C (turn and cough).
The last time I came in to see the doctor was over 6 months ago. I went in a couple of times for moments of sickness but I have not had a diabetes check up style appointment until now.
When I got a call the last Monday afternoon saying my doctor wanted me to come in at 9AM the next day to go over the draw results I was worried. I knew something was wrong since my doctor would not normally call me in.
When I got into the room my doctor came right out with it.
“Your A1C is 9.8 and that is not okay. I don’t blame you, I blame myself because I should have spotted this sooner. You are insulin resistant besides having type 1 so we need to do something different to get your numbers down.”
Stinging guilt poured over me regardless of the fact that there was no blame on my doctors face. That self-inflicted sting which stems from years of being on the wrong side of an index.
“You also have leaky kidneys, nerve damage, and heart disease. There is no time to mess around with this Georgie. I am going to change things and it’s gonna work so please be patient with me and we will get you where you need to be.”
Leaky kidneys? I know I have nerve damage since my feet are rattling all the time. The heart disease I never tied to diabetes but my doctor does and he is the one with the while coat so I believe him. But kidneys?
Here is an explanation:
Diabetic kidney disease (diabetic nephropathy) is a complication that occurs in some people with diabetes. In this condition the filters of the kidneys, the glomeruli, become damaged. Because of this the kidneys 'leak' abnormal amounts of protein from the blood into the urine. The main protein that leaks out from the damaged kidneys is called albumin. In normal healthy kidneys only a tiny amount of albumin is found in the urine. A raised level of albumin in the urine is the typical first sign that the kidneys have become damaged by diabetes.
My doctor assures me that as long as we act now I will be okay. I trust him so I felt better.
"Since you are using so much insulin everyday and it is not working for you I am going to switch you to U-500. Are you familiar with that?"
I wasn't and he broke it down for me.
"It is basically concentrated insulin. All other insulins are U-100 and so this is 5 times more concentrated. You take 20 units of U-500 and its like taking 100 units of R. This is serious stuff Georgie and it takes a smart person to be able to take it. So you should take it as a compliment because I know you are no dummy and can handle this!"
The problems? Weight gain. The possibility of some scary lows. Having to bolus 30-45 minutes before I eat.
The real problem is that my high BG is damaging my body so I will deal with whatever else comes along with this. I will do what I have to do.
On the drive home and all night kept thinking about all of this stuff. What my life was like 10 years ago. What I wanted to do and who I thought I would be. I started thinking what life would be like if I was on dialysis. What if I lost my vision? Or a limb? Or had an actual heart attack? What would my life be like? What would my family do?
People always say that life is too short. "Life is short so live like tomorrow is your last." And I believe that. Life is too short and I need to live life to the fullest.
But...
Life is too long.
Life is too long to live it being crippled by complications. Life is too long for me to not do something now to make my life as well as I can make it. Life is too long to not spend time and energy keeping my body healthy. Life is too long to not care about today so tomorrow and all the tomorrows that come will be the best they can be.
You can enjoy each day and not get caught up in all the stuff that bogs us down but at the same time do things that, to the best of your ability, make tomorrow as enjoyable as it can be!
Live like today is your last but plan for tomorrow to come.
Life is too long not to.