Thoughts of '13

My year was filled with self chosen negative responses that made me feel terrible.

Lots of goals were forgotten.

Dreams I had been holding onto for years and believing in became an annoyance.

I had no major health issues.

My sister fought and won the battle with cancer. 

A surprise party for my 40th was a highlight.

Finances continue to cloud my plans.

The physical self I planned to sculpt became the victim of procrastination and lack of motivation.

Me and my guitar performed at two weddings.

I did not volunteer for anything for the entire year.

The mustache that so many had no problem saying they didn't like has been worn for an entire calendar year. 

The last thought reminded me how much I cannot stand mean people, and how many I know. And how much I can be one too. And how I need to stop.

My absolute favorite moment of the year was sitting in a sleezy smoke filled casino in Downtown Las Vegas by myself drinking alcohol in front of a slot machine until 4AM. This moment was significant and something I have never done in my life. I actually was okay being with myself which some may say was pathetic but in all honesty, it is what is makes me want to turn this whole negative crap around. 

Next year is going to be so much better because of all the reflecting I have been doing since that night in Vegas. 

My last thought is that this post started off as something completely different, as did this blog, but it is what it is and there must be a reason for it. 

Here's to 2014! Bring it.

Merry Christmas

The holidays are a time for seeing family, having fun, and sharing our unconditional love for one another. This picture with my Aunt Addie sums it all up for me.

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! May your bg be in range, your swag boluses effective, and your medicine work exactly as intended!

It's a Trap!

6:00 AM this morning I was just about to get out of the shower when I realized I had no clue how to open the door. The tiny shower in our master bedroom bathroom had become a trap. A trap that was spinning around and feeling like it was getting warmer by the second.

I finally realized I was having a low and needed to get out. A moment later I figured out which way the door swung, grabbed a towel, and stumbled to my bed. My wife knew there was something wrong since I would never step foot out of the bathroom dripping wet. 

She grabbed a bottle of liquid glucose. I chugged it down and checked my bg. 37. My Dexcom was screaming at me and sounding like a fog horn. I felt like I was still dropping so I took another. I checked my bg. 45. I finally started to feel normal. Got up and got dressed and headed out to work.

On the way in I pulled thru a fast food joint to grab an egg burrito for breakfast. As soon as I paid for it and started to pull away I started to feel like I was low again. I grabbed a few glucose tabs from the bottle I keep in the door of my car and chomped them down before I ate the burrito.

I decided not to bolus for breakfast and just deal with a correction later. As soon as I got off of the freeway and was just about to pull into the parking lot at work I started to sweat and feel all those hypo symptoms I am all to familiar with. 

At this point I was so angry and sweaty and tired and fed up and a bunch of other things all at the same time. I walked in and my boss makes a comment about how nice I look today but that my face does not look as happy as it usually does. I started to explain to him how I was battling a low all morning.

When I told him how I was in the shower and could not remember how to get out I started getting choked up. My coworker/friend was in the room with us and she has been around both highs and lows so she gets it. As embarassed and angry as I was letting myself get emotional I think it helped get the point across in way words alone can't.

He asked more about the balance of insulin to food, where my bg should be, why technology has not advanced enough, and how I am doing. It was a moment I wish didn't happen but am thankful turned out the way it did. 

The silver lining in this is the education and understanding I was able to share. It took a lot out of me emotionally and physically but if it was all meant to help my boss understand what people with diabetes go through then it was worth it. 

Oh and FYI, my Dexcom just alarmed with another low. 

A Wellsville Poem

Northern Utah and my CGM seemed one in the same last night,

From the hitting of hay at 10PM to the tiny crack of morning light,

No sleep did I get, not a wink or a nod, with my Dexcom beeping and blipping,

With a word at my peak and a word in the valley, I could feel my sanity slipping.

Those Wellsville Mountains on my Dexcom screen are a definite A1C inflater, 

With angles so steep, like consummate V's on the back of a Burninator.

The coaster I rode, thrice as HIGH twice as Low was not all that is causing this scoff.

No, the fact that through all of this redonkulous crap my freaking Dex sensor fell off!

Geared Up

It was back in 2012 when I did my very first Tour de Cure bike ride. A combo of very awesome people inspired me to go for it. I rode 32 miles and it was not pretty. I finished but not the way I had hoped.

There was the fact that my blood sugar was over 300 during the entire ride and also the fact that a few months later I discovered I had an artery 80% blocked and needed two stents. I was not at my best.

The thing is, I am still here and I am not going to let diabetes and heart disease ruin my memory of riding in the Tour de Cure. I want to finish strong and feel great when I cross that finish line. 

So I signed up to ride the 32 mile ride next year and I would love it if you would consider joining me or if not donating to my fundraising efforts. I set a goal for myself of $1000 and a team goal of $2000. Team Ninjabetic is going to ride again!

I have already been riding my bike every day and exercising to lose some weight. Sure I have a long way to go but I am super motivated and very excited about owning this ride this time!