Some Good News

I am losing weight.

In most circles that is a very good thing and for me, I know it is a necessary thing. So why do I feel so guilty?

As you all know I started seeing a new doctor (aka “the best doctor I have ever had”) and he decided to prescribe a new drug for me to take that I didn’t know much about.

Victoza.

Now before you say, “But George you are a type 1 and that is a drug for use in type 2 diabetes,” you should know that my doctor explained that to me. He explained that he believes this drug will benefit me in not only helping regulate my blood glucose levels but also to lose some weight.

“Taking a drug off-label is not unethical. If it means making you better than it is the right thing to do.” When he said that I could tell he has a genuine concern for my health. It was tough to not hug him at that point because once again, I felt like I was in good hands.

Victoza is an injectable drug that I take once a day in the morning. It is helping to keep my bg’s in better control (read: glucocoaster) and curbing my appetite.

Or should I say, making me kind of sick to my stomach?

The feeling I get is sort of like heart burn. It doesn’t last long but it seems to happen right when I start thinking about food. Funny isn’t it? Anyhow, in the first two weeks I lost 7 pounds without trying and now I know I have lost more. I am going to wait until my doctor’s appointment next week to see how much but I can tell the difference.

So why the guilt? Well, I am not really doing anything. I mean, I am not working at it besides listening to my body and taking medicine. I stop eating as soon as I feel satisfied if and when I am hungry. Which is about once a day.

I think I am going to have to add in some exercise soon because I hope to not have to take this drug forever plus I need to get moving some more. Hopefully with the new house, a high of 90° today, and the swimming pool will start me off in the right direction. I love to swim so that should give me some much needed exercise.

Any weight loss is good for someone as obese as I am. I have to crush this guilt and use this head start of dropping a few “El Bee Esses” as fuel to kick off an exercise routine.

I can feel some motivation stirring inside me.

Yay!

You Tube Tuesday #216

I am a Nintendo nerd. I still have my original NES, Gameboy, N64, Gamecube, DS, and now the Wii of course. 

And with my love for Nintendo comes a love for Mario and all Mario games so this clip I loved!

Enjoy!

House to Home

This week is the final stretch before we move this weekend. I am excited, nervous, and extremely reflective.

My state of mind lately lends itself to the feelings I’ve just described which I am already planning to ask my awesome doctor about. I know I need some help to figure out what is going on in my head but right now, this move is swirling over my head like a storm.

There are so many uncertainties when you have to move that concern me. Am I going to have everything packed in time? Is everything going to make it one piece? What is the floor going to look like when I remove that refrigerator? How are my dog and cat going to handle it? Do I have enough help?

Lots of things concern me as well as money. I have to rent a truck and dolly but there are going to be last minute expenses too that I am sure I forgetting about. That worries me too.

When I think back to why we had to move into the place we are in now it stirs up a lot of old feelings I have never really gotten over. For those who don’t know we lost our home over two years ago and moved into this place because it was in the school district and was available. That was really it. I never truly made it home. I never wanted to leave our old place. I felt like a failure and a fool. You see, we didn’t have a foreclosure; our home was stolen from us.

It’s funny how being a victim of real estate fraud actually makes you feel like the one who is to blame. I can go on and on about what happened but frankly I don’t want to. I am tired of thinking about it.

Now I am excited because this move we initiated. It’s funny that we did when we did because our landlord decided to sell the house we are in. Strange how things turn out isn’t it?

So this new place really feels like it is going to be our home. Not a house but a home. Sure it up to you to make it what you will but I just could never feel like the place we are in now was home. Those lingering feelings kept me up at night for a long time and when I look at the old carpet and outdated wallpaper it reminded me that this is no place I was supposed to be.

Soon I will be home.

What is this?

The place I am in seems different somehow.

The walls look familiar but the feeling is strange.

As much as I want to connect and be uplifted,

I am experiencing some sort of psychological change.

My need for support is growing rapidly,

And yet I keep hidden under a rock,

As much as I seem to be happy and upbeat,

I am feeling miserable. I’m a crock.

Tears spill out with no meaning

Or at least for no reason I know,

As much as I would love to hold it together,

I find moments alone when I let it all go.

Could be I am burned out on the task of life?

Stabbing and guessing and counting and fearing.

As much as I wish it would all end sometimes,

‘you are needed’ are words I keep hearing.

Depression is familiar but this feels new,

Anger. Sorrow. Hopelessness. Fear.

As much I as I try to focus on what’s good,

I get pulled back here.

So much to live for. Too many blessings to count.

Family. Friends. New Home. New beginning.

As much as I am aware of my gifts,

This, whatever it is, keeps on winning.

Aiming my focus upward is the only thing I can do,

I believe that God has a plan for me,

As much as I pray He will reveal it soon,

I wonder if I would be ready.

Sing Along

Happy Birthday to me,
On March Twenty Three,
I hate diabetes,
But I love the OC.