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Entries from April 1, 2012 - April 30, 2012



I did it. We did it. My son George, my best friends Matt and Clay, and I all finished the Tour de Cure yesterday. 

We rode for 32 miles around Long Beach California and we really had no clue what were getting ourselves into. 

The distance was not the issue, it was the bridges and hills that really did a number on me. Wow! But I made it. It may not have been pretty. I may have had to walk my bike up some of thos hills, but I did it.

Here are some pics of the day since I am still sort of speechless about the whole thing. It feels like it was a dream.


Path To Purpose

Is it a curse?

It felt so at first.

The pain and the fear and the year after year.


Should I ask why?

Is this how I'll die?

While I stab and I bleed and all the drugs I now need.


When does it end?

When will my heart mend?

Do I have to leave earth to find what life's worth?


The truth can be shown,

When you're not alone,

With a group we can be one strong community.


When I think over,

That 2nd of October,

I thought life was ending with only death pending.


But now I'm a Greeter,

to those with a meter,

so there's less frustration and no isolation.


My voice can be working,

for those who are lurking,

It may not be eloquent but style is irrelevant.


I say "I can do this,

And help others through this."

So I keep my eyes open for those who feel broken.


I'm blessed with life,

saturated with strife,

to help when some feel that they cannot deal.


Is it a curse?

It felt so at first.

But I see the reason and rhyme for my time.



A few years ago when my brother Scott decided to ride in the ADA Tour de Cure I was inspired but just enough to say, "well dude maybe one day." But then it all went away.

The next year Scott told me he was doubling his distance and doing it again. Now the feeling I felt was laziness for not signing up after that first year. I wrestled with it for a few moments before something shiny passed by and I let it go. Again.

Then I met Mari

We hugged.

We cried.

I signed up.

And now I am 3 days away from my first ever Tour de Cure and I am frightened. Like seriously wondering if I bit off more than I could chew.

Like remember when you were little and you would put so much food in your mouth that you couldn't chew and undoubtedly your gag reflex would kick in and you would want to vomit?

I want to vomit.

Time is not on my side when it comes to training. Unless I do not sleep there are just not much time for me to get on my bike. And I am 3 days away.

I want to hide.

At the retreat this weekend I felt so powerful and able to do anything but can I really do this? I am WAY overweight, and seriously weak. I just keep praying that I will somehow have the energy but if I keep praying about it, do I really think I will have enough?

I need a time machine.

Here's the thing. I am going to do it. I am going to squeeze into that Red Rider jersey and peddle my lard ass all over Long Beach. I may look like an idiot and I may be moving at a snail's pace but I have to do it.

One thing I am not is a quitter, except for smoking of course. I was just hoping I could do this with a little finesse and I do not see that happening.

So for all I bit off, I guess I will just keep on chewing.

I may still vomit. 



Wordless Wednesday - The Sixer



Unplugged But Charging

This weekend was spent far away from home. Up in the mountains at a camp called Bethel in the Hills was where I spent 4 awesome spirit filled days that I desperately needed.

I have written in the past about Cursillo and Via de Cristo weekend retreats I have worked. Most times I am on the music team which I was this time too.

Our job is music. Playing music, leading songs, enhancing moments, and even entertaining at times. PLaying drums and singing does not sound like a lot of work but when you do it all day and all night long, it actually can drain you pretty quickly. 

Turns out you get filled up every time you play so there is a pool of energy that keeps you going. I call it the Holy Spirit ;).

The core of the Cursillo or VdC weekend are 15 talks on different topics and 5 meditations. I was asked to give one of the talks about Christian Community and the DOC was a big part of that talk.

The VdC community is where I found the strength and courage to talk about my faith openly and without concern of what others may think. Much like the DOC gave me the support and guidence I need to advocate and talk to others about my struggles.

When I first began working on the talk I really struggled with it. I didn't see how I should be the one to talk about community at all and especailly Christian Community.

But God works in mysterious ways and soon I was pounding on the keyboard and it all came together.

One thing I pointed out was a post I wrote on dLife back in October of 2007 with this picture on it.

Both VdC and the DOC make up a big part of who I am, how I am identified, and more importantly how I want to be identified.

Although I work these weekends to hopefully be a blessing to those attending, I always seem to be blessed far more personally. 

As I float down off of that spiritual high I am directing my focus on the Tour de Cure ride I am doing this Sunday. God knows I have been talking to Him about it a lot! #freakingout