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Entries from March 1, 2013 - March 31, 2013



I made it to 40. I never ever thought I would make it but I did. Despite diabetes, smoking for 15 years, heart disease, and all kinds of other fun stuff I am here.

Now on to 50. This is the decade I fear the most.

Save the date, March 23rd, 2023.

You're invited to a party.


Little Rose

Little Rose,

with ten little toes,

and her daddies nose.


We knew we were done,

Boy 1 and Girl 1,

We felt we had won.


Little Rose,

In ribbons and bows,

And Summery clothes.


So funny and smart,

unique from the start,

with a generous heart.


Little Rose,

My love overflows,

Admiration grows.


For fifteen years,

Through laughter and tears,

and unending cheers!


My Little Rose,

Who God sweetly chose,

His love she shows,

Wherever she goes.


Happy Birthday my dear sweet Gillian Rose. I love you more every day.






Saving Time

My memory is not the best these days. I joke and tell people my hard drive is full so I have to delete things before I can save anything new.

It really feels that way. I used to remember everything. Phone numbers, dates, addresses, passwords, if I left the iron on or not. But one thing I never forget is to take my medicine.

Every morning I take 13 pills and 2 at night. I never forget to take them because I stick to my routine and know that taking my pills happens after I have brushed my teeth and before I brush my hair (if I have hair).

Forgetting to take my pills is nothing I worry about. 

So why am I writing a post praising pill organizers? Well, those 15 pills I take each day come from 13 different bottles and in the morning I don't have a lot of time to fool around with open and closing every one!

When I first met with the nurse from Cardiac Rehab she gave me two pill organizers to use a soon as I told her my medications.

Seemed silly to me but I thought what the heck, I'll give it a try.

I save so much time and can see pretty quickly what pills need to be refilled and when. I have one for my morning pills and one for the evening. It saves me so much time. 

This may seem totally silly to you but it honestly blew me away how much of a pain in the butt opening all of those bottles was every day. Not to mention if I dropped a pill and then in trying to pick up said pill I drop more. They are sneaky little pills I tell ya!

Anyhow, the Ninja tip for the week is, if you have more than one pill you take at the same time everyday, try a pill organizer. It really makes things easier.


No Sleep 'Til CPAP

Sunday night was the beginning of a two night sleep study for me.

My cardiologist ordered it when he heard that a few years back I had shown slight sleep apnea according to a take home device my doctor sent me. Because it seemed so slight my doctor decided not to do a complete study.

Then the whole Heart Disease thing happened.

Now check this out. People with diabetes are prone to sleep apnea. People with diabetes are also likely to have heart disease. People with heart disease tend to have sleep apnea. And lack of sleep has been shown to cause insulin resistance.

GREAT huh?

So Sunday night a tech showed up at the house around 10PM. He hooked me up to a big old machine that was now sitting by my bed. He then attached wires all over my head, face, chest, and legs. He also put the most annoying little clip on my finger like they do at the hospital. When he was done he said to sleep as much as I could on my back and then he would be back at 5:30 AM to pick everything up.

Sleep? How? When? 

All night I uncomfortable. All these wires everywhere and especially that stupid thing on my finger kept me up. I dozed off here and there but never did I feel like I slept.


5:30 on the dot he was there.

"So how did it go?"

"Well I don't think I actually slept at all but it was fine."

He told me that with all the wires and stuff they use any little bit of sleep can give them the info they need. "We got plenty of good info for you so you did great!"

Of course because is a tech he cannot tell me exactly what he saw but he did say the info they needed was there. 

Monday was a hard day to get through but I did.

Monday night at 10:00PM the tech showed up again.

"This time you are going to get some sleep!"

He hooked up all the wires once again but also connected me to a CPAP machine. The gentle air that was being pushed into my nose took some getting used to but after a while I was doing okay. The tech left and I went to bed having been so sleep deprived the night before.

And I slept. Not well but I did get some sleep in. I went to sleep quickly and woke up about 2 hours later. The pressure was a little high for me when I exhaled. I called the tech who had left his cell phone. He said from looking at the data I was opening my mouth now and then which typically means I needed an adjustment. 

"I am gonna turn things down a little and lets see how you do." He was able to make changes to all the equipment remotely which I thought was pretty cool.

I laid back down and I fell asleep. Until 5:00AM! I was lying in bed thinking how crazy that night of sleep was and how long this may have been going on. Does another device mean I am getting worse? What is happening to my body? Should I be happy I am going to get treatment for something I didn't know I had?


5:30AM on the dot he knocked. "So how did you do? Do you feel okay?"

"I feel great actually. I feel awake." 

That moment made me realize that I never wake up feeling awake. I wake up but I could right back to sleep every day.

Now I wait to hear from my doctor to get set up with a machine. I am looking forward to it actually. Now that I know the difference it can make I am in 100%.

I have said before how important it is to know what is going on with your body. Now I have learned something else going on that needs my attention. It's okay. I've got this.

It's good to be aware.

It's good to be awake.

Soon I'll be both. 


Until Then

I never know when it’s going to hit me.

This morning I was on a recumbent bike in the cardiac rehabilitation center when it did.

I looked up and saw the date on the TV.

March 13th.

He would have been 64 today.

And here I am surrounded by bullet dodgers.

I hold back tears but well up.

Joy comes over and checks my blood pressure.


My focus speeds back through the last few months.

My surgery. My sisters surgery. My step mom’s death. Her funeral. Her eulogy.


The pictures of us and all of his stuff we went through.

He would have been 64.

He was 42.

I will be 40 in a week.

I continue to pedal.

Thankful for being here.

Still I miss him and will for a long time.

Until we meet again.

Happy Birthday dad.