You Are Allowed
Friday, January 15, 2010 at 10:06AM This morning I had a conversation with a coworker. Let’s call her Susan.
Susan has been in and out of the doctors lately with a breast cancer scare. I do not have all the details but from what I have been told she had 3 lumps removed that were malignant but the doctors said the cancer had not spread. Good news indeed.
So now was the follow up on treatment and what chemotherapy, if any, was needed.
I had left a message for Susan yesterday and she called me back letting me know she was at the doctors so she could not pick up the phone when I called.
“So how is everything?” I said it in a way that made it clear I was asking about the doctors appointment.
“Well the doctor thinks he got everything so that is good but he also thinks I should have 4 rounds of chemo so that is a bummer.” She sounded more nervous then depressed.
We talked about advancement of technology and how sometimes "you gotta do what you gotta do." There is another coworker who fought and won a battle with cancer and she would come in the day after chemo feeling perfectly fine which helped to calm Susan's concern about the aggressive treatment and her reaction to it. I could feel her calming down and loosening up about it as much as she could.
“Well, it could be worse. I mean, I could be under a building in Haiti right now so I have to be thankful.” When I heard her say that I thought about all the times I have heard that I should be thankful my disease is diabetes and not cancer. I could hear myself saying those words too which many of us have said.
I could not help myself and said to her what I wish someone would say to me. “You know what Susan, you are right. It could be worse. But this is your collapsed building. This is your personal collapsed building and you are allowed to say it sucks because it does. It does suck. Things could always be worse but I’m sorry, this still sucks and you are totally allowed to say so!”
I could hear a relief in her voice as she said, “You are right. This does suck!”
Yes it does. But we choose to do what we gotta do to continue on.
We can be thankful it’s not worse and still think it sucks.
Because it does.
Reader Comments (6)
When I was in the hospital post-diagnosis, I wass crying into my pillow in the middle of the night. I was trying to be very very quiet, but one mean drill sarjeant nurse can in and told me to essentially snap out of it. She said, "this is a dreadful dreadful disease, but you can't go around crying about it". After that, I never complained. I walked around with my chipper smile pasted on my face, and everybody thought I had such a "great attitude". Reminds me of that Motown classic , "Tracks of my Tears".....
But, once again, here we still have the questioiin of balance. It's important to acknowledge the demands that db makes on every phase of our lives, but, also there's no doubting that a positive attitide makes a huge difference too.
(I'm gonna go walk on the ice glazed sidewalks here and contemplalte this.) Have a good weekend.
Great post George! I've said that myself. . 'at least it's diabetes and not cancer.' But you know what? (I know it's not typical of all cancer but. . .) My brother had cancer, had radiation and chemo and is now cancer-free and his treatment is over. He goes in for a checkup once a year and is declared cancer-free, yet again. I will never be diabetes-free. . and that SUCKS!
I think we oftentimes want to be brave, help everyone around us be brave and not face the fear, pain or anger around a life threatening illness. I take your permission slip in my hand, wave it high and shout at the top of my cyber-lungs, "DIABETES AND CANCER BOTH SUCK!!!!"
you are so right!!!
A good friend asked me about living with diabetes and I heard these words come out of my mouth: I don;t like to talk about it because it just sounds like I'm complaining."
Because he's a good friend, he said "Of course you're complaining its a disease!!"
I felt like i got my permission slip that day - you are a good friend, too!!
It could always be worse - we could have NO BACON.
At least that isn't the case...
But yes, even with BACON, diabetes does suck.
Great post George! I have never forgiven my daughter's endocrinologist for saying those very words to me in the hospital the day after my daughter was diagnosed. She was 2 years old. I was crying, and he said to me, "It could be worse. At least it isn't cancer." Now I can say, "it could be worse." but at that moment in time, ah no, I don't think so. 2 years old, in the hospital, with an i.v. in her arm and diagnosed with diabetes! Let me grieve for pete's sake!
A post by Sir Bob brought me here years after you wrote this, but it's still true. And today, it was something I really needed to hear.
Love you, George!