Rough
Thursday, September 16, 2010 at 10:23AM Yesterday was rough.
Rough because the nerve conduction study was different and much more painful than the last time.
Rough because I am going to need to have surgery.
Rough because it made me feel sorry for myself.
And then I had a low.
This is the thing. I write about how much of a "ninja" I am and sometimes, I feel like that. I really feel as if Diabetes walked in the door with a leather jacket and a headband on, that I could scissor kick it faster than you can say "auto immune disorder." But the thing is, there are times when I hurt, literally, and I wonder why I do all this. Why does all this stuff have to happen to me? Why me?
The depression that comes along with diabetes is tricky. It comes with highs and lows. It comes when you get a bad A1C or a bad fasting bg because you decided to enjoy dessert the night before and didn't bolus correctly.
I write this stuff because I want you to know that you can be on both sides too. You can feel that right now diabetes cannot touch you. But a bad low bg can make you feel like you don't stand a chance.
You are not alone. Not alone with your diabetes and not alone in those bouts of depression.
There are so many people online that want to be there for you, myself included. We have all felt what its like to feel alone and we do not want anyone to feel that way again. You are not alone.
And I can speak for myself when I say that I get down and depressed now and then. I am sure if you read the blog enough you see both sides. I am willing to share about my feelings and I know many others would too. You are not alone.
And if a round of "the dumps" is getting the best of you and if you see no way out, get some help. PLEASE. Depression is like DKA, it can snowball fast and get worse before you know it.
One thing is for sure, those rough days will come and go for us all.
Even Ninjas.
Reader Comments (12)
Wow G. Great post. Depression is very serious and not something to just shrug off. I've seen the effects of the Depression Snowball it's not good. It's best to take care of it sooner rather than later.
LOVE you brother!
Written with complete honesty. This disease is brutal - no way around it. Good luck - prayers are being sent.
Well said George.
Wow, you definately took the word right out of my mouth! Thank you, you have made me, after being diabetic for 30 years, feel like I'm not the only one who feels this way :)
I guess last nights DSMA had an impact on you. Very well put, and a positive way to bring that dark Double D secret to light (and I'm referring to Diabetes and Depression). Everyone has good days and bad days; it's just with a chronic illness, the good days are better, but the bad days are worse.
Remember to keep the faith and thoughts and prayers your way for the surgery..
Your courage in sharing your ups and downs is so very admirable. I mean that, sincerely.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Very good post, and so true. It really does mean a lot to share these feelings with fellow diabetics, and it helps all of us know that we're not alone!!!
Amen, dude. All of it. Amen.
What you write is so true. One day I'm bopping along, loving my hair or outfit, and next thing you know I feel like locking myself in a closet and bursting into tears. I've never experienced anything so much like a rollercoaster than diabetes. Actually I have, it's diabetes plus depression. The combination is hard to live with. Yet, many of us do it every day. So even when we're down, we're definitely freakin ninjas, man. I wouldn't wish diabetes on my worst enemy...cuz it's that bad.
Thank you George for being so open and honest. Diabetes can drag us through the wringer over and over again, and it takes courage to keep getting back up.
Hugs George. I'm reading backwards so I have to hear about this surgery you are talking about. I'm sorry to hear about that...
Reading on...