Music Key
Friday, March 18, 2011 at 10:59AM After I got home after my appointment on Wednesday I was wiped out. My mind was running through all the information my doctor had given over and over. I was worried, scared, and nervous. Could I really get my act together? Can the things really be reversed? Is it too late? Has the damage been done?
When I walked in my wife was running out to pick up our daughter from Confirmation class at church. She mentioned that after she picked her up they were going to head to the store for a few things and then come home.
My son George was sitting on the couch with his guitar in hand and Casey our cat lying on the other couch. I said hi and laid down on the couch with my cat close by so I could snuggle him up for comfort.
George was strumming away some Iron and Wine songs and singing. I was lying on my back and listening.
Curiosity far greater than the fear
It felt so simple, so prodigious, at the same time
Incredible things are happening in the world
Magical things are happening in the world
I joined in singing melody while he jumped to harmony like we had planned it. It was beautiful. When the song ended I felt a tear trickle down the side of my face.
“Play something else we can sing.” Asking George to play music is like asking the sun to shine. He is wired for music and he can play non-stop which is one of the best things about my home. Music is almost always playing.
We starting singing again but this time I could not get the words to come out. I fell apart.
George stopped and waited for me to speak.
“I am scared son. I am really scared. I need to make some major changes in my life or else I am not going to be here much longer. I don’t want you or Gillian to deal with what I did when my dad died and it terrifies me.”
He sat and looked at me while I cried like a child. When I finally stopped he asked, “Can I say something?”
“Of course.”
“Whatever we have to do we will do. You are going to be able to do this and you have the right doctor now so I know things are going to be alright. I mean, you have too many people counting on you. Look at all the stuff you have going online and in the OC. People depend on you and you have a lot still to do here. You are not going anywhere.”
“You, Gillian, and Mom come first son and you are the reason I want to get better.” I could not believe he was more worried about my impact online than himself.
“We are not the only people who need you dad. There are lots of people who count on you. No, you are not going anywhere.”
What surprised me more than his words was his composure. He spoke with emotion but never losing control, I was so impressed by that.
“Everyday I think about getting a phone call or getting called into the office and hearing something awful has happened to you. I think about it all the time. I worry but I pray too and I know that we can do whatever we need to do and make whatever changes we need to so you will be better.” I never knew how much burden my health was for him and the rest of my family for that matter. It made me hate diabetes so much more and also made me determined to change.
The faith he has in me was a huge motivator. Having him and my family as well as all of you in my corner also helps take some of that fear away. I know I can change.
But am I too late?
That is what scares me the most.
Reader Comments (11)
I love Lower Case g!
Hell, I love your whole family!
Listen to your son George, he's right on the money, honey!
And as far as "being too late," it isn't.
We can't change our past, but we can focus on today so we can have a better tomorrow.
Do I sound like a motivational phrase on a coffee mug? Magic eight ball says: YES.
But I believe those words to be true, so I'm OK with sounding all Hallmark -e.
And I believe in you~
HUGS
Kelly K
George-
You've been on my mind lately. It sounds to me like you're taking all the right steps. The new doctor sounds terrific. You have changes to make and I do believe that it is NEVER to late to make positive changes. No, I do not think you're too late. You're only too late when you're no longer here. Your son is right - you do have a lot of people counting on you, but you also have a LOT of people out here to support you.
Your strength shines brighter than your fear. Keyp singing.
You've got a great young man there. He does us all proud.
The burden of diabetes weighs heavily on everyone who cares about us, sometimes I don't think we remember that as often as we should.
You can do this George, we all have your back and your family is simply incredible.
Scott
You have an incredible family George, you should be so proud of the son you have raised. Tomorrow is another day, another chance to get it right. It is never too late, to do, to act, to love and to be. I believe in you. You have lots of people throughout this DOC who believe in you. Never too late. Never.
Your strength shines brighter than your fear. Keep singing.
Love that line. I was on my walk just now and in the 200's all afternoon and have been doing this for 44 years. You need to show me and all of your friends and family that yes we can turn whatever damage we have acquired around. We need each other to do that.
Ooooo and I would love a video of you and your son singing that song. :)
Man, it is hard to think about all of this stuff, but it's also impossible not to. If you were still smoking right now, I'd have to kick your ass (in love, of course).
But you have made some incredible steps these past five years George, and every single day you are allowing your body to rebuild and repair. Focus on faith and progress, not perfection.
Oh my, had no idea you were struggling so bad. Everyone is right, you have an amazing son and family. You WILL find the strength George. You WILL. Keep the faith, say nice things to yourself every morning when you get up and again before you lay your head down. Things will happen for you.
PS Your son is quite the young man. Quite the young man.
Sometimes we make our kids strong but, sometimes, they make us strong. Listen to your son George--he is an amazing young man and you helped make him that way. You have no idea how you inspire us. You can do this.
XXOO
Hey cousin. Just wanted you to know I love you, I am here for you, and I will be praying for you every single day. You can do anything with God and your family on your side, including making the changes necessary to reverse the adverse effects of your disease and live a long and healthy life.
No matter what though, you have made an extraordinary impact on this Earth George. Through your music, church, the OC, and your wonderful, strong, amazing, beautiful children. You have made your mark. Be proud of what you have accomplished and of your life and resolve yourself to improve so you will see the day that there will be a cure.
You have the knowledge you need now to know exactly which parts to tackle. Yay for proactive doctors who run the right tests.
You can do it, George. You've got us all in your corner.