Cry Less But Still Hurt
Friday, May 27, 2011 at 6:00AM On Monday I spent my evening up at my buddies studio working on some music with him. I am playing drums for his band at a few upcoming gigs so we have been praciting a lot.
When I got home I walked straight into my office for a quick email check before I sat down to eat.
That was when I saw it. A friend request and a message that totally threw me.
"Little Georgie is that you? We had a lot of fun on those camping trips. I can still hear your dad's laugh and his stories!" - Steve.
Whoa. Steve! STEVE! My dad's old partner. I couldn't believe it was him! I haven't seen Steve since my dad's memorial service after he died and I missed him terribly.
Steve was one of my dad's closest friends. He was deputy sherriff like my dad and was his partner for a long stretch of time. Steve and his family would go on camping trips with us to the mountains, the dessert, and Mexico. I have so many memories of my dad with Steve.
After I confirmed our friendship I wrote him a letter letting him know how happy I was to hear from him. I was sobbing. Sobbing like the day I was told that my dad had a heart attack and died. It hurt just the same. The wound was reopened.
I wanted to talk to my big sister Anna. I knew she would understand. We talked, we cried, and we remembered. It was tough but it was good. It felt good.
This year will be 20 years since my dad died. Still the pain aches the way it did two decades ago although the tears don't come as often they sting just the same.
When I talk to my friends and family with whom I have memories of my dad, it is as if he comes back to life as we share those memories together. Alone I can think about him but when I talk with someone who remembers him, he lives.
That night I saw that my little sister posted some pictures of my dad that she got from our stepmom by total coincidence. Although, I think everything happens for a reason.
I miss him so much. Every day I think about him and every day I miss him more. His only demand from me my entire life was to make him proud. I hope I am doing okay.
Reader Comments (11)
And now I more fully understand what you were talking about the other night. Big hugs to you, George. I don't think he could be anything but proud of you. You're one of the most awesome people I know!
G-
You're right, memories of those that we love and are no longer here, continue to live in our hearts and shared memories. Your father is proud of you & I know he's with you & looking out for you and yours.
I wish I could reach out accross the net and give you a big hug!!
LYLB
Kelly K
My dad died a few years ago George. His phone number is still programmed in my cell. It makes me smile and get choked up all at once when I see it.
You are doing him proud.
Oh George, thanks for this post.
My mom died 20 years ago this year and, like you, not a day goes by that I don't think of her. Sometimes if I'm looking through an old box, I will come across something with her handwriting on it and it makes me smile. Thank you for sharing.
Much love to you and your family George. One of my most favorite cousins died 20 years ago last week. I hold to those memories too. She had type 1. Although her passing had to do with different circumstances, I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I could hug her and tell her I get a bit of what she was going through. Still hoping for that opportunity one day. :)
Beautiful post George. It's good to reflect on times you shared with loved ones. I'm sure your dad would be so proud of you. You inspire others and help give other people strength. :)
Poignant.
While I could not know your side of things and it's a little different since Steve knew your father passed, Facebook reunions been bittersweet with learning whose parents are around and whose parents are not, with regards to childhood friends. It's difficult on this end of things, too.
There is no doubt that you make your father proud. No doubt at all, my friend. Much love to you!
Your father is cheering you on and grinning from ear to ear with pride as he watches you and all that you do to help everyone. You're doing your whole lineage proud man.
Perhaps you dad is talking to my older brother.
And maybe, just maybe, they're sitting in Heaven cheering us on.
God Bless, my friend.