Neglected
Thursday, September 15, 2011 at 8:20AM My blog was my life. For so long everything I did made we want to share it right here in my own little place on the net.
For a long time I would blog every day about whatever was going on both diabetes wise and other. Sharing my life in the hopes of helping others is still a passion of mine but the rest of my life doesn't want to play along.
I am just too busy.
The bigger problem with that busyness and neglect are at the very core causing me to be depressed and feel down. Every Wednesday when I miss DSMA I feel awful. Every day I don't post I feel disconnected. Every blog post and story I miss from not being able to read them all makes me feel like a bad a friend.
I am just too damn busy.
The other side of the coin is that the busyness is not really by my choice. I am too nice to say no, too dumb to step down, and too lazy to make the time for me. For my brain.
Recently I was asked what my hobbies were and what I like to do just for myself. My first thought was blogging. It brings me joy to want to share about my life in hopes of helping others. The person I was speaking to thought that if my focus when I blogged was helping others, was that really something just for myself?
I thought about that a long while but didn't know how to respond. Nothing brings me more joy than helping people in need. The blessings received are unmatched. But I couldn't really say it was all about me. Although many would disagree, that is not the reason I love this place.
My question back to this person was, "what do you consider something just for you?"
The reponse were things like going to the gym, getting a massage, going to a movie by yourself, reading a book, or even playing a round of golf.
Wow. Nope. Nothing like that on my schedule. But am I really missing it? I think I am just missing being able to decide what I want to do and not what I have to do. Those "things" are not really anything I think I want to do. Maybe I would be better off if I did stuff like that but I already feel guilty for even considering it.
Could it be that I am just wired differently? Some freak of nature? Honestly, I am not sure what to think.
One thing I know is that something needs to change soon because I am unhappy and that is never good. That I know for sure!
Reader Comments (9)
Doing something for one's self means different things to different people. Some of my friends love getting their nails done every other week, some run or do yoga, a few craft and one even composts and does pottery. That works for them. But I'm like you - I like 2 blog. Different is OK, different is us, and different is fabulous!
I know it's hard and life get's in the way - We all have those life moments that interrupt our blogging efforts.
Blog when you can, continue to blog from your heart, and remember that we love you regardless of the numbers of posts you write each week!!!!
HUGS
Kelly K
Well, I for one (and no doubt many more) are glad whenever you have the time to blog your thoughts. Perhaps the reason you enjoy doing so is because you are a giving person who is willing to share your experiences with others. Or maybe it's because you are an artist who has the talent and need to express yourself. Whatever the reason, keep on doing it!
You bring up so many good points that I don't even know where to begin. I think that it is incredibly important to find time to do something you enjoy. For example, I like to read, yet I never seem to find time to do it. And I'm a librarian (for Pete's sake!). I check out books from the library and turn them back in before I even have time to open them. Like you, I'm struggling to find a little bit of time that is mine. The best thing I've been doing lately is making small advances. Just one small thing that I want to do that makes me happy, even if it only takes two minutes. Like reading this blog post and writing this comment. That makes me happy, and hopefully it will build momentum so that I can do more things that I enjoy. It's a working theory. I'll let you know how it goes. =)
G,
I know where you're coming from. Since BabyK arrived, I have had no time to do anything for me. My only "me" time is in the shower those couple of minutes, and even then it's a rush to get done and out before he starts crying again (if he isn't already). I was so glad to get back to work because I thought that it would help me establish a new routine, but so far it's done nothing but make me even busier and I feel more lost than I was before. Mix all that in with the fact that a few choice members of my church decided that I needed to start the choir back up again, not taking into consideration that I may not have the time for practices now, and we have no one else to do it, so I feel obligated to leave my newborn with someone else while I do choir stuff. And there's a whole other list of things that I could add, but what's the point. Busyness is good sometimes, but when it cuts into our sanity, it's so hard to find that one little thing that is our "oasis", if you will, that recenter's our minds.
If blogging about your diabetes or whatever else is your oasis, then so be it. Yes, it helps the rest of us, but it is from you.. from your heart. It's your outreach that reaches all the way back around to you. So even though you are helping us, you are helping you as well. So blog away, George... no matter how often or otherwise.
Totally know where you're at on this, George. I feel very unhappy at the moment myself, mostly for the reason you've mentioned: that it's not that I am necessarily unhappy with what I am or am not doing, it's just that those things aren't being done on my own terms. I've got a career that I truly do love, but lately don't feel very happy - because of general life stresses and situations that aren't allowing me to also help people like I love doing. It's about balancing it all out as best as possible and being able to maintain a sense of yourself. You can do it.
i hear ya man. sometimes we get so overwhelmed with things we *have* to do that when we finally find a moment to ourselves, we don't even know where to start for that 'me' time. don't get tripped up by blogging being the only thing that came to mind. feel free to try other, more 'selfish' things out, whenever you have a chance. but maybe you get the most out of something when you're giving to others. it's not a bad trait to have, as long as you don't overextend yourself. /scattered
it's hard for me to do something just for me without feeling guilty or feeling like there's something else i should be doing. it's weird.
i hope you can find some time to just be. a quiet moment to breathe. and take some time to do something that you love. like blog.
love you!
Life is busy. But above and beyond life being busy, I often over-extend myself just so that I don't have to focus on the problems I'm faced with. (totally not saying that is the case here, just that your post brought that to mind for me...).
I think the real burn for me in your case is that so much of your business is work, which is stomping all over your creative flow. But you have to support your family, so what's a guy to do? I hate that the decisions we make are governed so often by finances.
If you were doing it just for yourself, you'd be writing or typing where no one else can see! We sure do appreciate whatever you can do, George!