My face keeps changing with each inspection,
memories are created daily,
good, bad, not so good, really bad,
yet the loss seems greater.
Doesn't time heal?
Scrapes on my knees from learning to skate,
climbing a tree, breaking a bone,
"in time it will heal." But the stinging in my heart,
it is worse every year.
New stories to share, pictures to crowd together for,
those moments, those moments you should be here to witness,
the words I need to hear, the unspoken words only a glance can speak,
I need that now. We all do,
I thought after all this time it would be easier.
Fear is overwhelming me, fear I cannot handle,
I need a rock, or a common tree to sway with,
something more than this, than this memory and warm feeling,
Going alone is not my strength,
Time is telling.
It's been over twenty years since I felt your arms around me,
the assurance of safety I cannot duplicate in my weakness,
I try and fail and try and fail and try and fail and cry,
I cry too much and too often,
Years and time do nothing but make things worse,
more time away and more questions unanswered,
I know I am not alone and I recognize my selfishness,
but that physical being has a different memory than the spiritual,
both real but one doesn't feel around anymore.
God, I love you. You know this.
But Dad I love you and miss you.
I miss you more now than ever.
I need you more now than ever.
We need you more now than ever.
I am so scared. What do I do?