Sixty Three
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 at 7:02AM Today would have been my fathers 63rd birthday. He died when he was 42 and I still have not gotten over it.
Some years I realize that his birthday has passed and I wonder what distracted me. Sometimes I feel guilty when I get caught up in my life and forget about his.
Then I realize that not living my life would be the biggest insult to someone who raised me to enjoy it and who cannot be here to share it with me now. How dare I not live it? How dare I live in the past?
Other days I see a kid playing basketball with his dad or even worse, his grandpa and that is when it hits me hardest. My kids would have had the best time with my dad.
George's music and passion for life would have sparked stories of the music my father loved. Heck my son loves a lot of the music my father did. I can see him hugging him and kissing him goodbye and it just tears my heart apart.
And Gillian is my father in so many ways. Her sense of humor and impeccable wit would have had him in stitches. I bet the two of them would be cracking jokes and laughing all the time.
I cannot even bring myself to talk about my sisters and their families that I know dad sees and loves but oh how I wish he could be here to see them, hold them, and love them.
Well this morning feels like the first birthday after he died. I miss him terribly. Maybe because I am getting older? Maybe it's because I need his strength and support right now when I am feeling extremely overwhelmed and weak? I am not sure.
For those of you with parents here, love them up all you can. For those of you with one parent still here, enjoy every minute you can. For those of you whose parents are no longer living, cherish all the good times and memories.
Life is incredibly short and what matters most is often the thing we take for granted.
Love. Remember. Forgive. Cherish. Cry. Laugh. Heal.
Happy Birthday Dad.
Reader Comments (17)
I have tears in my eyes right now reading your post George. I have never lost a parent, but have lost people close enough...and its hard. I just wanted to send you a giant hug ***hug***
Sam - Thank you for the hug. It's funny how some years I get by with no problem but this year really hit me. Any loss is difficult especially those closest to you. Take care.
I am sorry about your father George. I am sure he is watching down on you and is very proud of your accomplishments and watching over your kids. I am sure he is in stitches with your daughter's jokes and listening to your son's music.
Hugs to you on your dad's birthday.
January was my dad's birthday, and our family's first without him. My first Valentine's Day and birthday without the very first man in my life also just passed. It's been a comfort to be around others that knew and loved him.
I feel like that lessons you learned from your father and the memories of him will always be there with you and impact your family, even if your children never got to know him directly.
Very touching, George. And sharing memories is a nice tribute as well as a birthday gift to your father. I lost my dad many years ago and my mother this past year. Even though I am a grown man, sometimes I feel like an orphan.
On a side note, is that his ride in the background? Looks like a muscle car. If so, that explains your rebellious spirit! :)
George, I can appreciate your sense of loss. My Dad is still around, and I know how much I will miss him when he's gone! This is a great tribute, and I can see where your looks come from!! (I'm turning into my Dad more and more each year).
Happy Birthday Dad. I love and miss you tons. Thanks for this great post.
George, Anna and Diane... you guys are the best siblings a girl could wish for.
I love you.
Wow this was so touching. People say or believe that time heals all wounds. I think sometimes it does but not when you lost a parent. The pain may seem less intense over time but it's something that you just learn to live with, not something that goes away. I hate all the time that has passed since I lost my father and how much he has missed too. It's not the same but he is always with you. Happy birthday to your father.
Kelly - Thank you Kelly. I appreciate it.
Rachel - I am sorry about your loss too. I catch myself saying the things he used to say all the time!
Brad - Sorry brother for your loss. You can always hang out with the Simmons family. You met my mom, she is awesome! And yes, that was his SWEET Trans Am.
Scott - When I had a mustache I looked a lot more like him except much darker!
Jen - Ditto
Stacey D - I do feel him around but I want to shoot some hoops with him. That's the stuff we miss. Take care.
George-
You are in my thoughts and prayers today. I am so sorry your heart hurts. Big hugs to you, my friend. <3
Happy birthday Dad indeed.
Happy Birthday George's Dad!!! You have a wonderful son and he has an amazing family - Thanks so much for raising such a fine son & looking out for him still!!!
HUGS
what a beautiful tribute to your dad, george. reading how you see him in your kids touched my heart. i so wish my daughter could have known my mom.
42 is so freaking young. i'll be 41 this year. my mom passed when she was 44. it still hurts. sending you love and hugs.
Beautiful and touching post, George. I again have tears in my eyes and heart, my friend. This isn't something you ever get over, and you're absolutely right about continuing to live and not taking people or things for granted that mean the most. And sharing those stories, carrying on the legacy and message of who they were, is an incredibly important thing. Your dad is still with you, and always will be. Love you, brother. Hugs your way.
The bond of your immediate and extended family is a tribute to the memory of your father. I'm not sure I have ever seen a family genuinely care more about each other.
I cannot even bring myself to talk about my sisters and their families that I know dad sees and loves but oh how I wish he could be here to see them, hold them, and love them.
42 is so freaking young. i'll be 41 this year. my mom passed when she was 44. it still hurts. sending you love and hugs.