Yesterday I received this email from my doctor.
Hi Georgie: All of your labs are, of course, perfect. You are a bit anemic. We'll explore that next visit. No major issues, however.
Last week I got lab work done I had been putting off. Now why would I put it off?
As much as I talk about how we should be proud of ourselves just for checking our blood and trying regardless of the number, I still feel like a failure when I see a number that is not where I want it to be. I can tell anyone else, quite convincingly, that they should not take any number to heart but yet I do it, all the time. The guilt I feel that I have not done all I can and it will be reflected in the results makes me not want to get labs done.
There I times that I tell people about all the advancements in diabetes care and how many complications can be corrected if caught early on I am still scared, no terrified that I have gone to a point of no return and an issue I have ignored is going to change my life for ever. It scared the hell out of me whenever I pay attention to the numbness in my feet. Sometimes I will catch myself staring at them and seeing them gone. When I can't see them anymore because of the tears in my eyes I snap out of it. But that fear is real and it makes me not want to get labs done.
My veins are hard to find. I get poked several times and have learned that I need to drink a gallon of water in the morning before I get to the lab or else there will be a problem. Most times though they will give up instead of poking me a million times and just use my hand. That hurts and takes a lot longer. Sure needles don't scare me but I am not a fan of pain. That pain makes me not want to get my lab work done.
Fasting tests are a royal pain in the schedule. I am the keeper of the keys at my job so I have to open up in the mornings. We are also the kind of people that tend to have a million things going on every night so eating dinner the night before at a decent hour is almost impossible. Fasting and getting up before the roosters is the only way to get it done. And trying to carve out time makes me not want to get my lab work done.
But I did it.
And I am okay.
Repeat in 3 months.