Reluctant Resignation - #nodday2013
Tuesday, October 1, 2013 at 7:25AM
Since I was a little kid I have wanted to be a father. Having great examples like my Uncle's, Grandpa, and my dad made it easy to want to follow in their footsteps.
After my dad died and I had my first kid I knew I was doing what I was meant to do. Ready to give up everything for this child. My dreams and goals and wants in this world just stop existing. I lived for my child.
That was what I thought I saw in the other men in my life so that was what I have done. I like being a dad. I think I am pretty good at it actually. And if you know me there are only a few things that I would say I do well. Being a dad is one of them.
So what do I do now that one of my kids is an adult? My son is 19 and when I was his age I didn't have a dad anymore. I was a year into a life changing illness and my dad was dead. Life at home was surrounded by tension from a step father who drank too much and didn't care for having step kids.
This dad thing has only seriously stumped me once before. That was when my son first got his license. I was and still am terrified when he leaves the house. I never knew how much that was going to get to me.
But now that I see my time of parenting is ending for my son I am a mess. Sure I will always be his dad and sure you never stop parenting but pulling away and watching them take their life into their hands is not easy.
You run as fast as you can holding onto the back of the seat as they wobble and struggle. Then you stand there so proud and terribly sad when you see them ride off. Smiling, panting, crying all at once.
And to think I have to go through this with another one!
Being a father is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
Reader Comments (4)
I feel the same way - I always wanted to be a mother, and when faced with the possibility I couldn't, it was a tough few years. But my husband and I got through it together, and now we have a wonderful daughter! I can totally relate on the fears of letting her out of the house/out of my sight. I try to prepare myself and think ahead that one day, she will be an adult and won't "need" me like she does now. I'm doing the best job I can as a parent to prepare her for the world, and I love it. It is the toughest but most rewarding job I've ever had, and I feel privileged to be her Mom. Your kids are lucky to have such a wonderful father in YOU!!
Your blog posts have always overflowed with your love for your children. You are a great father and will continue to be a great father even as your children turn into adults and someday become parents. Then you'll get to be a wonderful grandfather!
Thanks for organizing No D Day. It was fun to write about something different! And it's fun to read the other posts.
Thanks for putting this together... your love for your kids is so evident in your writing, they are very blessed!
you totally still have more parenting to do... it's just different. but def not over. i'm 10 years older than your son and yesterday i was thinking about how my dad was still parenting me in several ways.
and i'm glad you have such a beautiful relationship with you kids!