Expanding
Thursday, October 3, 2013 at 7:48AM I wish this post was about my abilty to reach more people with Diabetes. That some Ninjabetic movement was sweeping the world! Where kids and adults would recognize that having diabetes is living with it every day of our lives puts in a class with super humans.
Living with diabetes takes having a sixth sense. Maybe a seventh and eighth too! To know you body and feel when a low it coming on. Knowing how to count carbs in a single glance and check your bg faster than a shooting star.
No, this is about my waist. It has expanded and it is awful. I hate looking at myself in any mirror and pictures are the worst! I have tried over and over and the reason nothing works is because I have not committed fully. And am I ready now? Probably not. I don't feel any real sense of motivation or drive.
I want to lose weight. I want to feel better. I want to be healthy. And yet I have this "oh well" attitude. With that around nothing is going to happen for very long.
The other thing I realize as I type this is that one thing "expanding" effects the other. There used to be this desire to get involved with anything related to Diabetes. How can I help? How can I find those that need a community and support? How can I empower those that feel powerless?
Now I don't want anyone to see me. I would rather stay home and hide. Taking a flight is a chore because I am not comfortable in the seats. Sitting in a restaurant can be awkward because some boothes are too tight for me to sit comfortably.
And yet here I am writing about it and admtting I have no idea if I will ever change. The desire is there for sure. I don't want to be like this. But the drive is gone. Completely gone.
This doesn't feel like depression, it's more like defeat.
Reader Comments (4)
I totally understand this feeling, and you are brave to share with all of us. First, give yourself a break if possible. Imagine you are talking to your best friend- what would you say? Diabetes does require so much from us, it makes me crazy! But don't give up! You are not alone out here in the D-wilderness.
Remember that you are loved and respected by your family, your friends, and by all of your DOC buddies. You always talk about how wonderful your doctor is. Go talk to him and ask for help. I'm so sorry that you are in such a dark place now and you are brave to share your pain. Virtual hugs to you, George, and thinking of you.
Oh no you don't! Giving up is not OK! You are a treasured child of God, and He's got plans for you! The diabetes community has been great, right? So why not find a similar community that can be your partner in getting to a healthier weight and changing some of those tough to change habits. Ask your doctor for ideas on that, seek out an Overeaters Anonymous meeting, find a church group comprised of people who want work on getting physically healthier together -- are all potential paths. This program also looks interesting: http://newlife.com/loseitforlifeworkshop Give them a call, or give someone a call....take one step towards surrounding yourself with a community that can help you take the next step. Do it TODAY!
Just don't do nothing. You are thinking too big and it is overwhelming. Did you gain the weight you are unhappy about in a day (week, month, year, etc)? Well, then why do you expect to lose it that quickly?
What if you walked to the edge of the street and back when you get home from work? Or one more glass of water every day? One little change at a time. Not everything at once. You may not feel like it right now, but I know you are stronger than this!