Life is too long
Wednesday, January 15, 2014 at 11:30AM Last week I had a doctors appointment. It ended with blood being drawn, urine being collected, and an exam that was one step away from a T&C (turn and cough).
The last time I came in to see the doctor was over 6 months ago. I went in a couple of times for moments of sickness but I have not had a diabetes check up style appointment until now.
When I got a call the last Monday afternoon saying my doctor wanted me to come in at 9AM the next day to go over the draw results I was worried. I knew something was wrong since my doctor would not normally call me in.
When I got into the room my doctor came right out with it.
“Your A1C is 9.8 and that is not okay. I don’t blame you, I blame myself because I should have spotted this sooner. You are insulin resistant besides having type 1 so we need to do something different to get your numbers down.”
Stinging guilt poured over me regardless of the fact that there was no blame on my doctors face. That self-inflicted sting which stems from years of being on the wrong side of an index.
“You also have leaky kidneys, nerve damage, and heart disease. There is no time to mess around with this Georgie. I am going to change things and it’s gonna work so please be patient with me and we will get you where you need to be.”
Leaky kidneys? I know I have nerve damage since my feet are rattling all the time. The heart disease I never tied to diabetes but my doctor does and he is the one with the while coat so I believe him. But kidneys?
Here is an explanation:
Diabetic kidney disease (diabetic nephropathy) is a complication that occurs in some people with diabetes. In this condition the filters of the kidneys, the glomeruli, become damaged. Because of this the kidneys 'leak' abnormal amounts of protein from the blood into the urine. The main protein that leaks out from the damaged kidneys is called albumin. In normal healthy kidneys only a tiny amount of albumin is found in the urine. A raised level of albumin in the urine is the typical first sign that the kidneys have become damaged by diabetes.
My doctor assures me that as long as we act now I will be okay. I trust him so I felt better.
"Since you are using so much insulin everyday and it is not working for you I am going to switch you to U-500. Are you familiar with that?"
I wasn't and he broke it down for me.
"It is basically concentrated insulin. All other insulins are U-100 and so this is 5 times more concentrated. You take 20 units of U-500 and its like taking 100 units of R. This is serious stuff Georgie and it takes a smart person to be able to take it. So you should take it as a compliment because I know you are no dummy and can handle this!"
The problems? Weight gain. The possibility of some scary lows. Having to bolus 30-45 minutes before I eat.
The real problem is that my high BG is damaging my body so I will deal with whatever else comes along with this. I will do what I have to do.
On the drive home and all night kept thinking about all of this stuff. What my life was like 10 years ago. What I wanted to do and who I thought I would be. I started thinking what life would be like if I was on dialysis. What if I lost my vision? Or a limb? Or had an actual heart attack? What would my life be like? What would my family do?
People always say that life is too short. "Life is short so live like tomorrow is your last." And I believe that. Life is too short and I need to live life to the fullest.
But...
Life is too long.
Life is too long to live it being crippled by complications. Life is too long for me to not do something now to make my life as well as I can make it. Life is too long to not spend time and energy keeping my body healthy. Life is too long to not care about today so tomorrow and all the tomorrows that come will be the best they can be.
You can enjoy each day and not get caught up in all the stuff that bogs us down but at the same time do things that, to the best of your ability, make tomorrow as enjoyable as it can be!
Live like today is your last but plan for tomorrow to come.
Life is too long not to.
Reader Comments (19)
I love you, brother G. I'm glad that you went in, and I'm glad that your doc ran all the tests and found out early. He will help you get this figured out. Please don't feel guilty. There's no room for that. There is only room for compassion and forward momentum.
This is really powerful, and I'm really grateful that you shared it. I'm wishing you the absolute best as you move forward with a new treatment. It's worth it.
Great positive message George
You know you have my prayers and support bro! No time to think of what ifs in the past or future... try to stay in the 'present'... You got this!
Thank you for this amazing post. *hugs* You know I'm only an email away if you need anything. My last A1C was similarly awful and now I'm trying to get myself on track, too. Want to work on it together?
I love you so much G & I'm incredibly proud of you for going in, getting the tests and & working with your Doc to develop a game plan.
I'm with Scott - Let go of the guilt - there's no place for it and guilt takes up to much time and energy.
Instead, take that time to work on & implement your game plan and live your life to the fullest.
Also: KICK A$$.
Xoxo
(((hugs))) I'm glad your doctor was so awesome that he said "I don't blame you!" That's a great doctor. And I'm glad you're doing the things you need to do so that we have you around for a long, long, long time.
This post resonates right down to the tips of my toes. Sending you strength and 'virtual' support.
Living with type 1 for 42 years and counting. ..
Scott - Thanks man, I don't know what I would do without you in my life.
Jasmine - Thank you for the well wishes. I really appreciate it so much!
Stefan - If someone can learn or feel less alone from what I go through then I will share it. Regardless of how revealing it is. Thanks.
Jaimie - You're the best Jaimie! Love you heaps.
Hannah - I love that idea! Let's chat about a game plan to work together on this stuff! Awesome.
k2 - My boots are laced up and I am ready to kick some D-rump.
Cara - Your comment made me well up. Thank you and I do plan to be around for a long x 3 time! :)
Steen - I am not alone! That is so important to me. Thank you for letting me know and for inspiring me!
I've had leaky kidneys for 15+ years, and I'm kicking ass and chewing sugarfree bubblegum... and I'm all out of sugarfree bubblegum. We can not chew bubblegum together. I wish I lived closer so I could hug you, and we could not chew bubblegum more often in person, but even though I live waaay far away, I'm here, not chewing bubblegum with you always, my D-brother.
I just want you to know you are wonderful. I know it takes serious courage to show us the real side of your life. I think it is that courage and that bravery that is going to continue catapulting you to awesomeness every single day.
What does a Ninjabetic do? He fights! And he wins! You can do this!
Love you!
Thinking of you, George, and sending lots of positive vibes your way. You know that everyone in the DOC will be cheering you on as you and your fabulous doctor work together to get your numbers and health back to where you want it to be.
You are a diabadass. I'm so glad you've got a great dr by your side. As they say... You can do this!
Have you ever tried metformin? It can help with insulin resistance & weight loss, even for a Type 1--stops your liver from dumping glucose.
Good luck!
George,
Thanks for being brave enough to write about all this. Of course you know we have your back. Hang in there man!
- Jen
If anyone can do this George, you can.
P.S. PLEASE make sure you are wearing your Dexcom while adjusting to the U-500. #momtalk
"Life is too long to not spend time and energy keeping my body healthy." <- That's my favorite quote, but this post in general is very... well a lot of things: motivational, thought-provoking ,true, relevant, etc.
I hope that the new treatment plans help you!
LEAKY KIDNEYS? what kind of name is that? all i can think of is the leaky cauldron ffs!
anyway, inspirational words here, thanks for sharing them! i am so glad you have such a smart and supportive doctor on your team!
Hey there, George. I know this is VERY late for psoting, but I wanted to tell you that you're a very strong person. I know this is a lot for you to take on, and I'm sending you a huge hug. I had "leaky kidney" issues when I was a teen with high A1cs. Visits to the nephrologist wasn't fun, and the fear that I was only 16-17 and already facing kidney issues was not fun. Thankfully they put me on a medication to help and I got control of my A1cs and my kidneys have been testing fine since. I still worry about it though - it's in my mind constantly. I'm so glad your doctor is such a wonderful one. I hope you guys can find a solution that will help you be as healthy as you can be.