Cave Dweller
Monday, April 21, 2014 at 8:38AM I don’t want to be that blogger. You know the one who has lots of stuff going on in his personal life and sort of abandons all interactions only to pop in one day, apologize for being absent, and then vowing to stay put online so his friends don’t think he disappeared off the face of the earth.
I don’t want to be that blogger BUT I do feel like I owe a lot of people a lot of apologies. Life has been… well, life I guess and with it comes some things that seem so overwhelming I would rather not have to let them out or let go of them just yet.
It’s like when you hear horrible news and you feel awful about it but when you have to tell someone that same news you heard it hits you in a way you never expect. That act makes things more real and unavoidable. Maybe I was taking my time to do that? I don’t know.
The fact is that I was hiding out and I am sorry to anyone I may of caused worry or upset.
That being said I am not going to vow to some schedule or swear I will never take some time away. That is something I just cannot promise. But I hope this wave of openness sticks for a while. I am optimistic.
So, the update:
- Diabetes wise, I am doing pretty darn good actually. Not sure what my A1C is but if I have had a fasting bg over 100 in the last 2 months it has been under 115 so that is kind of epic, for me at least.
- Since January I have lost about 25-30 pounds depending on which scale I stand on and if I am in my Business or Birthday suit.
- My daughter had an awesome 16th birthday that I had the pleasure of helping throw. And the day after I became a year older but without much fuss.
- We lost a family member to cancer but I like to think she won the battle since she is whole again in Heaven. This is something I need to write more about and will soon.
- The Tour de Cure I signed up for is this Sunday and I am not ready, at all. I have not been able to carve out time to ride and have been on the fence about even doing it. 6 days away and I feel like just throwing in the towel. I will never be able to ride for 32 miles. I don’t think I could even make the 11 since the last 4 miles are crazy steep. Do I do the 8 mile? I feel like a failure, no I recognize that I am a failure. I hate feeling like this and have no clue what to do. One minute I think I should just go for it and in the next moment I think not.
- I had to deal with some big changes with Dr. Awesome that I am excited and worried about. More on that too.
- Holy week at church was awesome. In fact, I was blessed to be a part of our entire Lenten season. I lead a few songs every Wednesday night in Lent and also directed a drama series each week. Then of course we had Palm Sunday which was beautiful, our Maundy Thursday service (which I was not part of but attended), Good Friday which the band played a song and I was part of a dramatic reading of the Gospel, and two services on Easter morning! As powerful as it all was I am exhausted, physically and mentally.
- I worked a retreat weekend a few weeks ago and I keep trying to harbor that spirit to get me through each day. It has been getting better since, slowly but surely.
I could go on and on but I don’t want to bore you much more than I am afraid I have already.
My appreciation for this place and the DOC is immeasurable. All of you are so important to me and I just want to thank you for being there for me when I finally come out of my cave.
Reader Comments (6)
Personally, I don't think there's any shame in letting life take you wherever it's going. Even if that means we don't get to hear from you as often as before. Don't worry about the ride. Think about all the good you're doing... it's probably worth more than 10 rides put together.
The most important thing here is YOU - and if you can share, that's great; and if you need to keep it all in for a while, that's perfectly fine too. I'm so sorry for your loss, and as for the ride, I say even if you ride just one mile you are not a failure at all. That's one mile more than so many others have ridden. Love to you!!
Life takes precedence over Internet crap. Power to you, G.
Tuning out and just living life is a good thing. :)
Life happens and we with deal with it by doing what we have to- No apologies necessary .
LOVE YOU!
If I accepted your apology, I'd have to apologize for my own scanty posting. I wish you well and enjoy it when I "see" you, but actual life comes first. :)