Sunday, April 2, 2006 at 2:59PM I couldn't resist. What would I do without my blog? Live a lonely diabetic life with no one to share my bizarro thoughts and complain to?
Anyhow....hoped you liked my attempt to fool y'all!
Saturday, April 1, 2006 at 11:46AM Hello all. I am sad to say this will be my very last post. My wife thinks that I would rather spend time online then with my family. I know it sucks. But my home life should come first.
I hope you all understand... Bye!
Friday, March 31, 2006 at 3:27PM I have received my approval to see an Endocrinologist so I immediately made an appointment. Of course the soonest opening is April 26th! Almost a month away! Oh well, it could be worse.
I am going to ask him about getting started on a pump. A good friend sent me a book on Pumping that I have been reading between work, sleep, and trumpet practice! If you have any thoughts on what I should ask about before my appointment, I would love to hear from you.
In case you were wondering...
I have been asked to play trumpet at our Easter Service at church. I am a drummer and guitar player but I did play trumpet a long long time ago. I have no chops at all but I am getting better each day. I think I need a lesson in saying no once in a while.
Speaking of saying "yes" all the time and just being busy pretty much all week long, I was looking forward to this Saturday all week. No plans, no commitments, zilch. zip. nada! Just time to chillax (a sweet new word that means chill+relax. like you didn't figure that out!) and hang out at home.
WELL GUESS WHAT?
The in-laws are coming down from San Francisco to stay with us this weekend. I am very happy to see them, I just hope they don't want any of the typical entertaining from me. I am so wiped out that a wink and a smile might be all they get out of me.
I'll make it a good wink I promise and maybe i'll throw on a wacky hat too!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006 at 2:15PM Since my attempt to become smoke free failed I have at least accepted that going out “Cold Turkey” will not work. I am finally getting over a cold that I have had since 2003 (it seems) so hopefully I will be back to 100% soon and able to exercise some more. Exercising also helps me cut back and hopefully cut out all smoking!
FYI – I have cut my nicotine intake to less then half of what it was on Sunday so that is a minor accomplishment. I do apologize for the manner in which the last post ended. I tend to be extremely hard on myself and beat myself up a lot. I know this is not a good thing but I have always been that way. I need to be proud of my accomplishments and not try and take on everything at once.
Reading my blog is like watching that movie Sybil! I am a freak show! LOL
Thanks to all who left me encouraging notes and Scott, you can send me the therapist bill to the address you sent the book to. Thanks man.
Monday, March 27, 2006 at 8:53AM Last night as I was lying in bed, paying close attention to the tingling in both of my feet and I realized that tonight was the night to finally give up smoking. So far today I have been smoke free but I have to tell you, I m not confident that this is the final battle. I am going to up date often today in hopes that will help me stay on course.
Wish Me Luck!!!!
9:09 AM – Just finished a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and I am having a nicotine fit! I am chomping on Sugar Free Altoids and they seem to be helping. Oh my gosh, I do not want to screw this up.
10:11 AM - Still have not fallen off the wagon. I am so scared and feel like I am not ready for this. I know it's the nicotine talking. Ohmygoodness, why can't they make cigarettes that are good for you. That would make this a whole lot easier! LOL
11:01 AM - I have had about 5 cups of coffee and just grabbed a couple of pretzels from the community snack shack (a co-workers desk). The more I try to forget about it, the worse it is. I am surprised I have made it this far! I am gonna need some serious strength after lunch. Thanks for the kind words and support.
11:59 AM - Going to lunch. Just checked my Blood Sugar. 254 . Yuck but I know why. I have been scarfing down pretzels like they are going out of style.Ahhh what to do, what to do? I'll post after lunch.
1:16 PM - After lunch is not so bad after all. Since I am constently coughing, the desire to smoke is pretty much non existent. I would suggest you all buy some Altoids stock. I will post a little later.
1:51 PM - I failed. I just bummed a cigarette from a co-worker. I got a bad phone call from an angry customer and I turned into the biggest jerk. I feel like such a loser and a failure. I hate this so much. What should I do? Why did I ever start? I am holding back tears right now just so I don't have to deal with the 3rd degree from my co-workers. I could lose it. I could just wig out which is what I am worried about. Should I try the patch? Gum? I wanted to go Cold Turkey but all it bought me was half a day. I do not want another one but why even try at this point?
Sorry everyone. I let you all down and myself too. What an idiot I am. Why can't I be addicted to exercise or vegetables? Nicotine is so evil. It really has an awful hold on me. I don't even want to publish this post. I am such a weak moron. I guess what is nice is that I can be honest to you but how do I do this? I am willing to listen to any ideas or advise you may have.
I am going to see how long I can go.
I hate myself right now.
