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Another Bad Night

Last night was one of those times when I wished more than anything that I didn’t have diabetes.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not normally happy about having a chronic illness. I just deal with it and don’t think much about not having it. What I think about is living with it.

But not last night.

When I went to bed I checked the Dexcom which showed two arrows straight up (which means my bg is climbing fast) and a bg reading of 325. GREAT! I bolus to correct even though I was sure I didn’t consume major amount of carbs for dinner, and went to sleep.

2 hours later I hear my Dexcom buzzing away on my nightstand. My little bg line was right at the very top and it read HIGH, which means over 400. GREAT!

My trusty One Touch was snatched up off my nightstand (I keep a lot of stuff on there) and that HIGH was confirmed by a finger stick of 485. GREAT!

I decided at that point to just correct again regardless of the insulin on board. So there I went stacking my insulin knowing this would bring me down. While I was lying in bed waiting for some time to pass to check my blood again I started thinking about all the damage this particular high is doing. My eyes, my feet, my internal organs were all paying the price and I don’t think I did anything wrong. I got upset and started to feel very sorry for myself and for everyone who has to deal with this crap.

An hour went by and I rolled over to check my bg again. 476. Pretty much the same as before. GREAT!

This was when I decided to pull out my infusion set, take a shot, and finish this once and for all.

I bet most of you know where this is going. I woke up at 45 and feeling as if my entire body had been crushed. I hurt everywhere. My head, back, arms, legs, it all hurts. Plus I am tired. Exhausted. Done.

When I stumbled out of the shower I had to make my way back the bed to sit and rest for a minute before I continued getting ready. I felt like I was going to pass out. Short of breath and dripping wet I sat on the edge of my bed and sobbed. Angry, sorrow, frustration, exhaustion, fear, pain all contributors to my tears.

My wife begged me not to go to work but I did. Why? Because I feel like it was my fault. I feel like I should have caught it sooner, not had taken as much insulin, not did whatever I did to screw up my infusion set. The guilt thing is self inflicted but I believe outwardly planted from along time ago. And watered constantly by most doctors I have seen in my life.

So now I wait to start feeling normal again. Is that even possible? Tonight when I get home I will go to bed early and dream of a time when I don’t have to deal with this crap anymore because right now, thinking about the rest of my time on earth, and the undoubtedly many more times nights like this will happen is almost more than I can take. 

You Tube Tuesday #219

I know that I missed April Fools Day this year but this prank is pretty funny.

Check it out. Did you pull off AFD pranks?

Enjoy.

Ojo Rojo

Translated from Spanish that title would be “Red Eye” which is not really the issue. It would be Pink Eye that is the subject of this post but Ojo Rojo just sounds better.

So my wife wakes up Saturday morning with Pink Eye. Please join me in booing. “Boo!”

We had planned to have people over to see the new house and hopefully get some swimming in.

She went to urgent care to get medicine while the kids and I got to cleaning up around the house.

By the time she was back and medicated the kids and I were itching to get into the pool. The kids had tried to get in during the week but it was not warm enough. By Saturday felt like summer so we were determined to get in at some point.

We got changed, grabbed our towels, and went out. Gillian jumped right in because she is so hard core. George and I took our time, which was more like torture but eventually made it in.

After about 30 minutes of swimming I hopped out to check my bg. It was 80. Lower than the temperature outside but higher than the temperature in the water! Brr. I grabbed a snack, snapped a picture, and hopped back in.

It’s funny how that hour of so in the pool made me feel like I was on vacation. Like I really relaxed and rested for once.

All day Sunday I felt so mellow and chilled out and I honestly think it all stems from that time in the pool. It was wonderful and I hope it heats up some more real soon because I can get used to feeling that way.

My wife is doing better. Her eye is clearing up.

I, on the other hand, woke up to a crusted up and cloudy eye.

GREAT!

Horse House

There is a game we play in our house about side effects of drugs. Since there are so many commercials about prescription medicine on TV this game gets a lot of play. We like to decide if the side effects outweigh the drug they are supposed to be treated. For example, is it worth it to take a medicine to grow thicker eyelashes if a side effect is severe constipation? Um no. That example is not real by the way.

Of course not all side effects are bad. Take Victoza for example. One of the side effects is nausea and honestly, I welcome it! It has helped me lose 18 pounds in a month and hopefully will help with more. Victoza is supposed to help let your body know when you are full so you don’t over eat which is also something I need and the nausea actually works, as unpleasant as it is.

On Tuesday I forgot to take it. With moving into this new place I am still not acclimated to the flow of the house yet so I totally avoided the kitchen that morning and with that, did not take the Victoza (which is also stored in the butter compartment).

Well, all day Tuesday I felt like I could eat a house! Or a horse! Or a horse house which I think would be a barn. I COULD EAT A BARN!

It was scary how quickly my appetite came back and how powerful it was. I tried my best to make good choices knowing that as soon as I took the Victoza again I would be golden.

On Wednesday morning I made sure I took my dose and went on my marry way. What was strange was I still felt hungry. Any horse house in the area was fair game. I was hungry all day. What happened to my Victoza? Is it not working? Did I not take it right?

Well, I am happy to report that this morning I feel extremely sick to my stomach! Wow, that didn’t come out the way I meant it to but you see what I am getting at. It is working again. I guess just missing one day of the drug made for another day to ramp up in my body? I don’t know if it works that way but that is what seemed to happen. It took that one day of dosage to get it working again.

The moral of this all is that there is a good reason we take the drugs we do. Sure some may have some side effects and in some cases, the side effects may be worse that the original reason you were prescribed the drug! But taking your prescriptions on time every day does matter!

Think of all the homeless horses there would be if I didn’t!