Not There Yet
Wednesday, December 2, 2009 at 10:32AM I am trying to embrace this holiday season and get all "Chirstmasy with it" but I am not feeling it.
This year we may finally be able to provide gifts to the people we never get to. We may be able to pay all of our bills and enjoy the season, a first for us. Not that we can get a ton of stuff but my children have grown accustomed to not getting much, so this year should seem like a massive amount. I am looking forward to that.
What is difficult for me is the number of loved ones that are going to struggle this year. Many people I love have lost their jobs, are in terrible financial situations, or are facing difficult times right now.
When my friends hurt, I hurt.
I keep playing the lottery hoping I can win and send cash to all my friends, and make sure I have money to put my kids through school. I just want all of us to have a great season and right now, it does not look good.
Two very good people I know are facing their final days on earth and it saddens me to no end. But I try to continue and be thankful for all the good stuff in the world and the blessings I hear about.
Dwelling on negative is not good indeed, but ignoring it and those who are in negative places is not good either.
When I look here at what I have written it seems as though I am working my way out of my funk on my own. That's pretty typical for me. My heart is feeling very heavy as of late and I needed to get some stuff off of my chest.
I would not say I am "Holly Jolly" at all, but definitely not a scrooge.
There is always hope. Even for me.
Reader Comments (9)
((hugs))
I am not in to the season. I have not embraced it, yet.
Too much going on to feel jolly.
It sucks feeling down but we all get into funks.
There is always hope. ;-)
There's a broad range between Scrooge and Tiny Tim, or Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Past. You may be more a Bob Cratchit, who struggles day-to-day to provide for his family, knowing his youngest son is dying, but still determined to put as brave a face on the day as possible. We all have so many dreams of what we could do with lots of money, but in the end, the season is less about Santa Claus than it is about the renewal of the self, and the determination to see one's family through the coldest nights of the winter -- both physical and metaphorical.
Crystal - things will change I am sure. ((hugs))
tmana - Well said. I love the renewal of self. that sounds good.
It is so hard to watch those we love suffer. I know it's hard to remember, but for your kids sake fake it a bit. The gifts are not what they will remember years from now. Last year my bf and I bought supermarket gift cards for some of our friends who weren't do to well. It's still a gift but it's helpful. As for your friends who will be celebrating their last holiday, make it count. Time is the greatest gift we can give. I know it's hard. I have had to fake it quite a few holidays for my younger siblings and it was very difficult. They have good memories though and as a result so do
I. Just use us as your venting board. We are here and will help you get through if youneed us.
Have a look at the following video "The Narrator Who Ruined Christmas" and see if this cheers you up!!! http://bit.ly/506KqL
This life can be so hard, and the needs and hurts "out there" and amoung our circle of friends and family can seem so overwhelming during this season when we are all supposed to be "happy". Not to mention all the hype, black friday, cyber monday, etc. Blech! But the simplicity and beauty in all this is that the world is a better place because of your compassion. I think compassion is one of the most Christmasy things around, and you are definitly there with that. And because of Jesus' compassion, we even have hope for our friends who are passing on, as well as ourselves. Yes, very Christmasy :).
Hey George,
How about wrapping a few of the paid bills to give to yourself? I think that's a great reason to celebrate!
You have bright kids, they know you've had a difficult year and it seems to me (from your writing) that they appreciate their lives with you - not their "things."
You also write about your fun with your family - your joy at spending TIME w/ your family always!! shines through.
As Tina said (above), time is the greatest gift.
I hear you buddy. It IS very hard to watch people close to you hurting. It's even harder when there's nothing you can do to help them. I hate that.
One of the reasons I love you so much is because you are so caring and compassionate. And that makes it hard to stay "up" all of the time. One of the bad things about the holidays is that we feel even more pressure to be HappyHappy because that's what this time of year is supposed to be about. But it's okay to feel down.. It's okay to hurt because friends are hurting. But know that I wish nothing but joy and happiness for you, my friend.