What is this?
Friday, March 25, 2011 at 12:37PM
The place I am in seems different somehow.
The walls look familiar but the feeling is strange.
As much as I want to connect and be uplifted,
I am experiencing some sort of psychological change.
My need for support is growing rapidly,
And yet I keep hidden under a rock,
As much as I seem to be happy and upbeat,
I am feeling miserable. I’m a crock.
Tears spill out with no meaning
Or at least for no reason I know,
As much as I would love to hold it together,
I find moments alone when I let it all go.
Could be I am burned out on the task of life?
Stabbing and guessing and counting and fearing.
As much as I wish it would all end sometimes,
‘you are needed’ are words I keep hearing.
Depression is familiar but this feels new,
Anger. Sorrow. Hopelessness. Fear.
As much I as I try to focus on what’s good,
I get pulled back here.
So much to live for. Too many blessings to count.
Family. Friends. New Home. New beginning.
As much as I am aware of my gifts,
This, whatever it is, keeps on winning.
Aiming my focus upward is the only thing I can do,
I believe that God has a plan for me,
As much as I pray He will reveal it soon,
I wonder if I would be ready.
Reader Comments (11)
Same.
I struggle too...and yet my life is filled with one blessing after another.
You are on a path right now. You are inspiring, you are advocating, you are loving.
And you should know, you are loved. You are valued. You are making a difference in this world. I agree, focusing upward is the best way to feel the light again.
It always works for me. :)
Much love to you!
This was so beautifully written. Hang on, George.
George I will light the pink candle for you tonight. In fact I'm goona go do it right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyyetXvX76Q
Many hugs. (You are not alone in feeling confused and therefore, down and out.)
George - you are needed by all of us. But that doesn't matter when you feel the way you do. Taking care of yourself is taking care of the ones you love. Do what you need to do to get better. Praying for you, and I know you will overcome this.
G-money, there is a purpose for everything we go through.
Hugs George.
Beautifully written too.
I love you!
George...did you know that you were one of the first D-blogs I read regularly? I have always loved your honestly and your willingness to truly show us all sides of you. While I can't help you not feel alone and frustrated, I can tell you that I have much love and compassion for you. I don't know why, I've never met you...you live on the other side of the planet...all I know is that you are a very real and honest man with a loving family who has a shit disease and is trying to make his way. Even though I don't have diabetes personally, I feel your struggle. Deep breath, say nice things to yourself every day and know that there are people who love you without even really knowing you.
I feel that, Ninja, and my prayers are with you. As always, your sentiment is real and your artistry fierce. Keep the faith.
((( hugs ))) to you, George. Thinking of you ALWAYS and here for you any and every time.