Same Cheer, Different Year.

It is already the 5th of December and the only thoughts I have had about Christmas are how the heck I am going to make it through and with what money am I to buy presents.

I get in a very bitter sweet mood around this time of year and yes I have many things happening in my life that are very sweet (OC Blog Awards, "AUTS" Contest Win) but it is hard to get past all of the bitter stuff.

Why is it that no matter how sweet the moment I seem to allow all of the bad memories and things that really upset me seep in? What gives? I just want a year when I actually have "Happy Holidays!"

When I think about the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" I quickly remember back to the first Christmas that we had to go to Dad's on Christmas Day after spending Christmas Eve with Mom. It was such a strange transition and so sad to have to not have Dad around when I woke up Christmas morning and not to be with mom all day too. I wish divorce was never invented sometimes.

I remember the first Christmas without Grandma Rosa and the next Christmas without Grandma Lucy or Grandpa William. That was the first Christmas without any Grandparents at all. There is no relationship like those with your Grandparents. I was cheated out of my time with them and if yours are still around give them a second longer hug this year for me. I would love to have a few seconds with each one of them again. They were awesome!

I remember the first Christmas with Diabetes and how I hated not being able to drink a quart of egg nog. Egg nog is awesome and so are Christmas Cookies and Candies and all that other crap that I did not get. There is nothing worse then finding fruit in your stocking Christmas morn. Bummer.

I will never forget the sting of tears that first Christmas without my father. Those tears that sting so bad do not last as long anymore but each year they come back to remind me of how imperfect and incomplete my Christmas will always be. I miss him so much and this time of year makes me miss him even more.

I do remember the first Christmas as a married man, and the first Christmas as a father. Those are the best holidays to remember but damn it if those tears don't sneak their way in and haunt me every December.

Why can't I remember my little guys waking up at the crack of dawn, tearing open each gift with wonder and excitement in their eyes? Why is it that each time I close my eyes and see them laughing and hugging dolls, toys, and games that they "had to have" I open my eyes to tears of sadness?

Is it because my dad isn't here? Is it because my kids never sat in their Grandpa's lap? Because I wanted my Dad to be the awesome grandfather I know he would have been and now that will never happen? Is that why?

Yes, that is it.

I really hoped this year would be different.

I am Speechless!!!!!!!

Wow! All I can say is wow! I am so honored, flattered and surprised!

The B.A.D. blog has been nominated in 3 different catagories for the 2nd annual O.C. Blog Awards!

Best Male Blog
Best Type 1 Blog
and Best Blog!

I just do not feel worthy at all. I have always thought it was lame when people said, "It's an honor just to be nominated" but now I know what they mean! Wow!

If you have not voted yet then here is a link right to it! GET TO VOTING!

Side Effects

So I have been smoke free for 3 months!

Whoop de Do!

I know, I know. I am happy about that but I have turned into a food scarfing machine! I cannot stop eating. I am crazy hungry all the time. All. The. Freaking. TIME!

So sure I do not smell like an ashtray but I look like this guy...

nice huh?

And poor Master P (my insulin pump) did not notice a difference on Thanksgiving since I have been bolusing like there is no tomorrow for 3 whole months! That has been 90 days of non-stop eating, constant hunger, and filling reservoirs on a (what seems) daily basis. I have to start wearing maternity clothes or sweats or maybe...

a kilt?

The "Win Win"

Back in July, I wrote a post about searching for purpose.

That post was harder to read then it was to write. I look at it now and tears of relief fill my eyes because a very small but important purpose has shown itself to me.

Last Wednesday I met with a representative of the JDRF chapter here in Orange County. She brought me a “Teen Pack” for me to give to “M.” We had been emailing each other for a few weeks now and finally had a chance to hook up on my lunch hour.

The “Teen Pack” was filled with books, info, a BG kit, and a Teddy Bear that made me well up when I saw it. We talked about M and how he was doing. She was very upbeat, funny, and cool. We hit it off immediately. We swapped diagnosis stories which I find really interesting but seems kind of strange when you think about it, and she commented on how my diagnosis at 17 seemed worse to her then her diagnosis at 11. I thought the opposite.

I think people do that a lot. I tend to always think that it could be worse. “You should be happy with your life no matter what.” I almost scold myself. It could be worse! I always feel bad for others and not myself.

So, I told her about my new attitude this year. I told her about being a Born Again Diabetic and I told her all about all the OC and you guys! She thought that was cool and I told her, everyone in the OC is cool, duh!

I explained how I have been wanted to find a way to help other diabetics. She suggested one way that I could get involved with what she does.

When a newly diagnosed child’s family contacts the JDRF, she gets someone in the area to make contact with them. Let them know that they are not alone and take them a “Bag of Hope” or a “Teen Pack” and info about the JDRF. She told me that she would add me to her roster if I was interested.

I told her, “PLEASE add me to that list! I have wanted to get involved and this sounds great!”

She also talked to me about their Gala event and golf tournament that I could also help out with.

It was really a great meeting. I am excited about this new way that I can help.

I took that “Teen Pack” to church on Sunday to “M” and his family. His mom was so appreciative and said, “You have been such a great help. We are very blessed to have you in our lives.”

I told her how this whole situation got me in touch with the JDRF and how it has helped me as much as it has helped “M.” She agreed and was excited to check out the stuff with “M.”

That my friends is what is called a “Win-Win!”

Apple, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie!

I find that returning to playground rules and name calling sometimes just makes the most sense.

Here are some examples.

1. Dinner is done and we are all sitting at the table.

Dad says, “The table needs to be cleared… 1,2,3, NOT IT!”

2. My son is vacuuming under the couch using one of the attachments on the Hoover.

Dad says, “I see London, I see France, I see Georgie’s underpants!”

3. Mom and Dad finally go to bed.

Dad says, “Hey honey I am feeling a little frisky!”
Mom says,“ I know you are but what am I?”
OUCH!

Sometimes playground talk just works. It is simple and gets the point across plus it makes for lots of laughs.

The other night my daughter was making me laugh and I said, “stop being crazy, you little Chaka!”

Both of my kids started laughing saying, “who is Chaka?”

“Chaka is the coolest little dude from the Land of the Lost! Duh!”

“Um dad, what is the Land of the Lost?”

Well, being the geek that I am I hopped online and went straight to You Tube to find a Land o’ the Lost vid with the Chakster in it. And lo and behold, I find the very first scene where my little furry friend made his debut! Check it out!

About 10 seconds into the clip I look at my son and he is half covering his face.

“DUDE SHUT IT OFF, THAT THING IS SCARY!!!!!!!”

Oh my gosh, I could not stop laughing. How could any one be scared of Chaka? But then again, he was freaky! Oh how my side ached! It was so funny. So I had to mess with him.

I told him, “make me shut it off”

He replied,

“I don’t make Monkey’s, I just train them.”