Until Then

I never know when it’s going to hit me.

This morning I was on a recumbent bike in the cardiac rehabilitation center when it did.

I looked up and saw the date on the TV.

March 13^th.

He would have been 64 today.

And here I am surrounded by bullet dodgers.

I hold back tears but well up.

Joy comes over and checks my blood pressure.

138/70.

My focus speeds back through the last few months.

My surgery. My sisters surgery. My step mom’s death. Her funeral. Her eulogy.

Him.

The pictures of us and all of his stuff we went through.

He would have been 64.

He was 42.

I will be 40 in a week.

I continue to pedal.

Thankful for being here.

Still I miss him and will for a long time.

Until we meet again.

Happy Birthday dad.

Max's Lemonade Stand

Last night we attended a fundraising evening called "A Night to Remember 2" to raise money for breast cancer research.

My daugther's best friend Max started raising money after he lost his aunt to cancer. He was 5 when he started and is now a freshman in high school. So far he has raised over $85,000 and he plans on going until he reaches one of two goals. $1,000,000 or a cure.

Check out this media coverage from last year. 

The event last night included dinner, casino tables, a silent auction, a live auction, raflles, door prizes, and a DJ. Lots of great gifts were auctioned off and it sounded like a lot of money was raised which is so awesome. 

Ever since my sister's diagnosis last year I have switched my focus on cancer instead of diabetes. I want to get her through all this and done with chemo, then I can worry about raising money for diabetes. 

She will be cancer free when all this is done. My diabetes isn't going anywhere any time soon so I'll wait to refocus on diabetes.

Max and his family really inspired me. This young man was just 5 years old when he started this and for 10 years they have been raising money and awareness. I am so impressed by his dedication and hard work. His love for his Aunt is what started this and his family support keeps it going. 

Be sure and check out his site. There are other great videos including one from his first year after started the stand. It is so sweet. 

If you are able and willing, please follow this link to donate to Max's Lemonade Stand.

Thank you Max for who you are, what you do, and how you inspire. 

A Perfect Friday

This is the best thing that has happened this week.

Christel is blogging and I cannot tell you how happy I am!

Who is Christel? Well, she is the former host of diabeticfeed, a podcast about diabetes and diabetes research which was the gateway to the DOC for yours truly. 

She is a type 1, a wife, a mom, and an honorary member of the Simmons family.

I suggest you add her blog to your feed, follow her on Twitter, and like her Facebook page. All three of those in one day is going to make for a perfect Friday!

Add this: theperfectd

Follow this: @theperfectdblog

Like this: ThePerfectD

All done! Enjoy your perfect day and have a great weekend!

Sort of Weighing In

By now you have probably heard about the drama around the DOC regarding a diabetes "cure" and the DRI and a blog post and expectations, anger, disappointment, and frustations.

I am sure also you have formed your opinion about it all and have probably seen many other opinions about it.

No one is asking me what I think and frankly I don't think it really matters but I do have one thing I want to say that kind of ties in.

I spend way too much money, energy, time, emotions, and brain power just living with diabetes every single day of my life. EVERY SINGLE DAY. You all know all the struggles and issues that come along with it and it is never easy.

Although I may not always be optomistic I am an avid dreamer. I always dream about the future and what it will bring. Where will I be and what will I do years from now? Will I ever reach my dreams and do what I really want to with my life? I dream about my future but I don't hope for it. I save my hope.

I save my hope for every morning. I save my hope for getting through a scary low or nagivating highs without ending up in DKA. I save it for bolusing correctly and setting temporary basal rates for exercise.

My hope is for now and five minutes from now. That I am going to get through this every day. I hope I can.

My daily need for hope leads me to not spend too much of it on something 5-10 years away. I need my hope now. My future is a lot closer than potential cures and I have to save my hope for that.

Never would I blame anyone for hoping and it hurts me to know so many were hurt. For that I am so sorry and very sad.

Never would I blame someone for wanting to get people excited about a hope. When I hear of a good thing I always want to share it with the world!

The one thing that really REALLY bothered me was the feeling that if I (Me, George Simmons) did not send money this hope that everyone had would fizzle. And now it's my fault.

I always tell people to blame diabetes and not themselves for complications, high bg's, or anything else that frustrates us about diabetes. We do the best we can every day and we should not be blamed for our best not being enough. 

Hearing about new things in the future allows me to dream, not hope. My only hope is that the DRI would redo that video to cut out the "It depends on you" message at the end. 

If it was up to me I would never ask the people who are suffering from a disease for the money to find a cure for themselves. I'd tell them how I was going to do whatever it took to find the money somewhere and maybe see if they want to help. But to lay the burden on the ones WITH ALL THE BURDENS seems mean.

I hope that makes some sense and I hope I haven't disrupted your hope. 

Rehabilitating

Today was my first day of Cardiac Rehabilitation and I am wiped!

I got to the hospital at 7AM to get connected to a heart monitor and start my exercise.

Yesterday I had a 3 hour appointment going over my entire life. Home, work, exercise, habits, food choices, stress, and depression. It was way more revealing than I thought it would be.

We put together some simple goals for my 3 months here and then went over the machines I would be exercising on. Bikes, weights, Elliptical, Stair Steppers, you know the usual. And before and after I would need to check my bg and my blood pressure.

When I walked into the center this morning I realized I was the youngest guy in the room. All I once I felt like a young whipper snapper and the most unhealthy 39 year old on the planet.

Everyone there was so nice, from the nurses to the other patients. The nurses all kept an eye on what I was doing and walked me from machine to machine to make sure I understood how to use it, how long to be on it, and to make sure I was feeling okay.

Ralph, Jay, and Tom all introduced themselves to me and referred to me as the “new kid.” Tom also admitted that last week he was the new kid. It was nice to feel like one of the gang so quickly and also not worry about the age thing so much.

The thing is, I am doing what I have to do. Regardless of what it may look like from the outside. Getting caught up in what people think is about the dumbest thing I could worry about. I have to do what I have to do and if it means feeling uncomfortable about it than so be it. I’ll do it uncomfortably.

What is funny is how comfortable I did feel as soon as I went in. Sure I may be young and fat but I am starting a long journey to a better healthier me.

And THAT is what it is all about.