I just realized I missed my diaversary of 24 years on October 2nd. I also totally forgot about No D Day. There was also my 8 year anniversary of being smoke free that I missed in August.
Gone are the days when I would come home from work and be ready to write a post or read about my friends in the DOC. When I would spend hours on Twitter and Facebook learning, connecting, and supporting.
My life has become so busy that when I do get free time I just want to sit and not think about anything.
And with that you know what also suffers…
My bg’s have been all over the place when I actually check them. I have been waking up below 60 for months. Months.
Haven’t adjusted anything even when I woke below 40 several times. I just don’t care right now.
I recognize that this is a pattern, a process I go through now and then and it looks like I am on the tail end of another cycle. My need to write and share as well as catch up with others is really digging its way into my head.
DSMA Live is still something I am apart of but rarely seem to make it to a broadcast. My day job makes it difficult to be available at 6PM sometimes. But last night I was on just a few minutes after it started and I sat there the entire time with nothing to say. Nothing. I just listening to my co-hosts handle the show as I sat there speechless. I did nothing.
That made me feel like such a loser. A few years ago I would have given up a lot of things to be an advocate and participate in something like DSMA Live and now I feel totally inadequate.
Of course you can tell that this is all me doing this to myself. I see that. I get it. So how do I get over it? I think I just try to find my footing and continue on and see what happens. Who knows?
My life has always been an open book in hopes that others will learn or connect with what I have gone through to maybe help them on their way. This is no different. This is why I am writing this. This is why I am telling you how I feel. Not to be fixed but to let you know that I am okay. The focus of my life changed both by my own hand and by the needs of my employer. After you have focused on one thing for so long it is hard to get back into the old swing of things.
Maybe that is it. Maybe I need a new swing?
Anyhow, the main concern for me, as it should be, is the lack of care when it comes to my health. I have to get back into caring about my health. I have to. I have to.
“Have to” makes it sound like such a chore. Can I say, “I get to take care of myself?” Does “get to” make a “have to” a privilege? I don’t think I can repackage “taking care of myself” as a privilege. But there is something to that idea I think??? I will have to explore that thought.
TL:DR – Been slacking at diabetes care. Ready to get it going again.