Accomplishments Big and Small - DBlog Week Day 4

We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you've made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small - think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.).

I was diagnosed as a 17 year old and for the most part I completely ignored my diabetes for a long time. It wasn't until going into the hospital with DKA and finding the DOC that I turned some things around. 

When I think about accomplishments the first thing that comes to mind is quitting smoking. When I really think about my 15 years smoking and the 7 since I quit I realize it was not so much an accomplishment as it was something I just needed to do. I knew I needed to do it, for my health and family but was it something I could be proud of? Yes, in a way. I am proud I did it but I am not proud that I had to. That I was ever even addicted in the first place. 

So when I think about something I have done that really changed me and my diabetes life I would say it was writing a song about my diabetes.

Several years ago a tune came to me on the drive home from work. The words just started falling all around me, about how I never wanted this disease. Nothing I did made me have this and it sucks. It sucks because it never ever ends. With all the noise it brings to my life both literally and figuratively you would swear it was yelling in my ear all the time. 

"You're here with me but not by choice. You scream so loud, without a voice. I learned your name but still I don't understand why you never end."

The verses took me from diagnosis, to denial, to acceptance, and to finally feeling empowered to do something about it. 

The last verse ends with, "'cause we can't stop, no that's for sure. Until we find ourselves and everyone a cure." And yet the chorus takes me back to that feeling of sorrow. That feeling like the never ending battle is hard because it is never ending. We can have hope and yet still feel sad, defeated, and depressed because that light at the end of the tunnel feels like a mirage.

Writing a song all by myself and recording it was a major accomplishment for me. So much so that I have not done it since. 

Not By Choice may be a short song but it is full of my fears, my journey, my hope, my struggles, and my desire to do more. To not give up. To care for others. All of that is in there. 

And it warms my heart to know other people have listened to it and have it on their iPod's somewhere. Any money I made from the sale of the song was donated to the International Diabetes Federation.  

If it brought one person comfort or a feeling of not being alone than it is as big a hit song as it needs to be for me. 

I also used the song in a slideshow I shared at my 20th anniversary of diagnosis party. I had asked members of the DOC that could not come to the party to send pictures of themselves with the number of years they have been living with diabetes. I still get chills watching it.

Memories - DBlog Week Day 3

Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere.... your or your loved one's diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share. 

Since I have found the DOC I have had many days that are memorable. All the meetups, my first trip to Friends for Life, the summits and conventions I have been invited to, and of course the Tour de Cure last year.

But the most memorable one for me was my 20th Diaversary weekend.

When I saw that my 20 year anniversary of diagnosis was falling on a Saturday AND there was a JDRF walk scheduled that same day near by I knew I wanted to take it to the next level. And I did!

Not only did family and friends fly in for the walk but we had a big party afterwards and a weekend full shinanigans. 

I felt special, not alone, surrounded, loved. Most of all I felt loved. 

Not many people can say that wholeheartedly and believe me, I do not take it lightly. I realize how blessed I am to have so many around me that love me. I always feel unworthy and undeserving. So I hope I show them the love right back.

We, The Undersigned - DBlog Week Day 2

Recently various petitions have been circulating the Diabetes Online Community, so today let’s pretend to write our own. Tell us who you would write the petition to – a person, an organization, even an object (animate or inanimate) - get creative!! What are you trying to change and what have you experienced that makes you want this change? 

To: Target

We, the Undersigned are request full disclosure on the seemingly undetectable yet potent aerosol insulin you pump through the stores. 

Each trip to Target ends prematurely with the chomping of glucose tabs, grazing of snacks on the shelves, or ordering smoothies from the snack bar all to fight hypoglycemic reactions that occur in many a diabetic.

We understand that it may not be insulin but an insulin inhancer or booster that makes our Humalog turn into Supalog! Whatever magic that lives or is creating in every Target we must be allowed to understand and utilize for our own good and not only to increase your smoothie sales.

Please sign below if you have ever experienced the Target phenomenom we are now calling "Targoglycemia." 

Targoglycemia is real, at least it is in my head which is enough for me. ;)

(this is clearly a joke because if Target had that magic we would all be there immediately after a visit to a cupcake shop)

Share & Don't Share - DBlog Week Day 1

Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?

This writing prompt for day one made a lot of thoughts go through my head.

Years ago I would have written an angry post about how my doctors don't understand me or my disease. That I feel unimportant and the cause of all of my issues. I would have said how guilty they make me feel and much I cannot stand going to see them.

I can't say that now. I have a great doctor who help and guides me. 

So I guess all I can say is Thanks!

My doctor is a type 1, uses an insulin pump, and a CGM. He never makes me feel alone in this battle. He won't let me get down on myself when numbers are not where I would like them to be. Every time I see him he tell me something I am doing right and it makes all the difference in the world!

Skipping appoinments, lying, and not bringing up stuff I want to talk about for fear of ridicule never happen for me anymore. The comfort I have in being able to talk to my doctor about anything is such a blessing and one I never thought possible.

Thank you Dr. Awesome! 

Survivor

Late last year my sister Diane was diagnosed with Stage 2A breast cancer. While I was recovering from surgery of my own my sister was having a double mastectomy.

Thankfully she is going to be okay. She still has 6 more weeks of chemo and some more surgeries scheduled for later this year.

So this year it’s been hard for me to focus on my diabetes as being such a burden. I felt like I should make efforts to spread awareness about breast cancer and get back to diabetes when she is done with it.

I told Diane when she was diagnosed how I could empathize with the feeling like something is wrong with you. She said, “yeah but after my surgeries and chemo I will be done. It’s not like what you have every day.”

That is a great example of her personality. Thinking about me before herself is how she always has been. And so strong. One of the strongest people I know. She sees this as a life speed bump and a lesson to make sure she always knows what is happening in her body. A good lesson for all of us.

When she called a while back and said she wanted to come out for the annual Revlon Run Walk for Women I was ecstatic. Every chance I get to see her is awesome but I wanted to walk with her and hear the word “Survivor” in reference to her.

Survivor

I love that.

So this weekend we have a small team walking in support of Diane! My mom is also a survivor which makes it a double special walk. We have done it before with mom and now both Mom and Diane will be strolling through Los Angeles showing the world that they will not be beat! So awesome.

If you are willing and able, please consider donating to our team, “Diane’s Double D’s – Divas and Dudes!”

Those of us who live with diabetes are survivors every day but this year I want to shine the light on my sister because she is one of my favorite people on the planet.

And the best wheel barrow race partner ever!

Thank you SO much for your support!