What Will You Do?

In just a short 6 days from now, my kids and family will be celebrating Brother and Sister Day. This has become a tradition started by my kids, on their own several years ago.

A few months ago we were driving home from dinner and Gillian asked George, "So what do you want to do for Brother and Sister day? We need to plan it now."

"Um nothing. That is like a little kid thing Gill and I have out grown it. Why don't you grow up!?"

Gillian took in a deep breath to either get herself ready to scream at him or cry. But before she could say anything George said, "Dude! Of course we are going to do something! I love brother and sister day." 

I got a lump in my throat but kept my mouth shut. 

The decision was to spend the day at Disneyland. My wife and I will meet them in the late evening and have dinner together before we all go home. 

So the question now is what are you going to do?

Part of what my kids hoped for was that this idea would catch on. That others would take one day to either get in touch with their siblings. I know many of you have celebrated with them and I always do to with my sisters. 

The thing is, even those of us that didn't have siblings still have someone in our lives that fulfilled that spot. It could be a cousin, friend, spouse, aunt, uncle, who knows. We all have that person or persons that we consider our brothers and sisters. 

So on Sunday August 22nd, take some time to think about, visit, talk to, and connect with your sibling. And please let me know what you do, we would love to hear that the idea is getting out there!

It's Just Not Right

"It's just not right!" I was in pain and sick of hurting.

"What's not right?" My poor wife is clueless as to what I am talking about. I thought her mind reading skills were much better than that but hopefully she will work on it. Gotta find that crystal ball.

"I swear, I should not have to hurt like this. This is BS."

My wife came into the living and sat down on the couch before she said anything else. She knows me well enough to hear a rantin' and a ravin' coming on. 

Instead of opening the flood gates while she was still in the other room, she thought it best to find a front row seat to the RANT SHOW I was about to put on. She found her favorite spot on the couch, grabbed a pillow to put behind her back, ordered a martini from the waiter (she wished), and said, "What is BS?" 

"This diabetes crap is total BS. I feel like I have been stung in the ass by a bee and can hardly walk because it hurts so freaking bad. I put this sensor in the other day and since then it feels like the needle is still in me. It hurts like nobody’s business but I won’t take it out because it is working great. It has matched well with my meter so I don’t want to pull it but here I am walking around saying ‘ouch! Oww!’ And ‘MY ASS HURTS!’ That is ridiculous.

“We are supposed to stab ourselves with needles, make our fingers bleed several times a day, and all in the name of good management? And to deal with ongoing pain just because some technology seems to be working this time around? It seems unfair and barbaric. It’s not in our DNA to do this and to think of little kids that have to hurt and keep infusion sets and sensors in even when they hurt just because they are working right, is not right at all.

“What is depressing is that tomorrow could be the same way. Do I try again or do give my body a break? I don’t get a break. I never get a break. None of us do so be put up with bullshit like painful technology to try and live longer. To live longer to be in more pain? Why? Does that even make sense?

"It does I know but it makes it hard to want to wake up and not know if you are going to have to hurt all day or not. It makes it hard to click your heels together every single day and not see an end. Just day after day of the same pains and aches and uncertainty and fear and failures and exhaustion. It’s almost too much to handle sometimes.

"No sometimes IT IS too much to handle.”

My wife looked at me and I could tell she was holding back some tears. Tears of not being able to take it all away or make it better. Tears of not having the words to comfort or the answers because in a way, no one really has the answer. She did give some good advice though.

“Pull it out. It’s not worth hurting anymore today.”

As soon as I ripped the thing out I felt better. I know this stuff helps me manage but no one should have to go through everyday in pain for tighter control. The amount of money lost in a sensor is worth the amount of sanity, rest, sleep, and wellness you will gain because of it.

It’s just not right but I have to believe that one day, things will get better.

They have to.

Road To Feeling Better

Yesterday marked another 2 week visit to the Endo.

When I got there I was told that there was no appointment on the schedule for me. I got concerned but explained that since I was there so late last time that the doctor forgot to put the appointment in the following morning.

I was hoping it was not going to be a problem and it wasn’t. Awesome.

Went in, confirmed a weight gain of 1 pound (ugh), sat down and had BP checked. 120/84. A little high but lower than last time. Time for the finger stick. BG was 139. Not bad at all. Not for me.

My pump was downloaded and as I sat there for a few moments in the room by myself I realized how thankful I was that none of the rooms here (like the other endo I had) have giant pictures of “What happens to bad diabetics.” I cannot handle that stuff.

My doc came in with my pump and papers and started going over it with me.

Still I am taking more insulin as bolus insulin instead of basal. He really wants me to get as close as I can to 50% basal 50% bolus. We adjusted my basal rates but the numbers are getting better so I am excited about all this.

He went over my labs and the blood work showed that my testosterone level was still dropping. He prescribed some hoping that I will start to feel more human. I am tired and sleepy all the time and he thinks this will help.

It’s this kind of stuff that makes me happy. I never mentioned being tired or anything, I just figured it’s because I am lazy. He just wanted to run tests on all the stuff that could be effecting me and did it! I have never had a doctor do that before.

He also gave me a prescription for Lyrica. I tried Cymbalta and it didn’t do much. He said that he wanted me to try that first but that he thinks Lyrica is a much better drug. He said he had to have me take it first to “play the insurance game” so they will cover the Lyrica.

All and all it was again a good visit. I did not feel guilty or like I was bad for gaining that pound, the bad blood sugars, or anything. I always feel like I am part of the team when I am there. It’s a good feeling and one I have never before.

And now I need to get rid of that pound I gained and a few of his buddies soon. 

(FYI I don't get the title either.)

You Tube Tuesday #183

This may not be the best video but I wanted to give you an idea of George's performance on Saturday. He still has stuff to work on (like baton angle and when to start his salute) but he did a great job and I expect a great year for the band since they have already walked away with a first place trophy! Awesome.

Enjoy!

Proud

George did a great job as Drum Major on Saturday. It was hard not falling apart when I heard his whistle blow. I remembered those little baby lungs crying when he was born and now he was 16 and leading his High School Marching Band down the parade route. 

Oh, now the tears come.

Congrats son on a job well done, and congrats to the band for the First place trophy they won. This looks like it's going to be a great year for the band!