Foot Freakout

Losing my feet is my biggest fear. It was that fear that ultimately pushed me to quit smoking.

So every night before I go to bed my wife takes a look at my feet to make sure all is good and then I quickly drift off into dream land.

It may seem excessive but she doesn’t mind and why not be sure everything looks okay especially for someone like me who has neuropathy.

My feet tingle all day long and as annoying as it is, I have actually gotten used to it. I can feel some things but not everything which is why my wife does the nightly checks.

So far all has been good. I see my podiatrist regularly, am rarely barefoot, and always wear clean socks. Not sure the last one matters but “eww” right?

Well last night I freaked out at around 3 in the morning. I must have moved a certain way and felt something pull on my toe. My fourth toe or what I like to call “my ring finger toe” which makes so much more sense to me.

I woke up and moved my foot up towards me to see if I could feel anything and I started to feel the pulling on my toe again.

There was a thread from the ribbon on my old blanket that was wrapped around my toe.

I freaked out.

Visions of a purple toe that had been strangled by my blanket popped into my head. I felt my stomach tighten and my pulse race.

Slowly I slid my toe back down to alleviate the pulling and then flipped the covers off so I could see it.

The string or whatever it was came off and my toe was fine. I think it smiled at me.

The sigh of relief I let out almost woke my wife up.

I guess it’s time for some new blankets.

Or do I sleep with shoes on?

Figuring It Out

“So, how are you feeling Georgie?”

One question that almost brought me to tears. Not that being referred to with a childlike nickname by your doctor doesn’t sort of warm your heart but the fact that there always seems to be a genuine concern.

It’s one of the reasons I am so happy with my doctor now. I don’t feel like a patient. I feel like a person.

Let me step back a little. So when I got to the doctors for a regular check up I noticed that he had a new nurse that I have not seen before. His nurse was out on vacation.

She led me over to the scale that I was reluctant to step on, as usual. She looks at my chart and says, “Awesome you are down another pound!”

Wow, I did not see that coming.

I followed her into the exam room and sat down.

“Dr. [Awesome] said I should refer to you as ‘Georgie’ but I told him I think I will just stick to ‘George.’” The whole time she was looking at my face for a reaction.

“Georgie, George, whatever. I don’t mind at all.”

Just then Dr. Awesome walks by and says, “Hey, I can finish up with Georgie!” So he walks in, takes the clipboard and stuff, and checks all my vitals. There is something cool about a doctor taking the time out to take your temperature, check your blood pressure, and also chat with you about your life.

“So, how are you feeling Georgie?”

I explain that my daytime bg’s have been crap lately. If I look at a carb I skyrocket.

“Are you sleeping through the night?”

The answer was a big fat NO! I wake up all night long not able to shut off my brain or ever get a good night’s sleep.

“Have you been irritable?”

I felt tears forming in my eyes.

“Let me change the question. Would your wife say you have been irritable?” He said it with a smile.

I nodded. I couldn’t speak.

My story of snapping at my family just because my wife wanted to know how my day was got a response from Dr. Awesome of, “HOW DARE SHE ASK YOU THAT!?”

He could see I was upset and felt awful so he was trying to lighten the mood.

“Well Georgie, I think I know what we are going to try. I am not sure if I am right but we are going to try something to help you get a better sleep pattern down and I want to send you home with a device that will monitor your sleep to see if anything else is going on. How does that sound?”

He explained that a lack of sleep can cause insulin resistance and so we may see a change in bg’s but for now, he wants to address the rest and irritability. We will work on the bg numbers laters. It’s not all about diabetes.

He also gave me the sample of a drug to help me stay awake during the day. It is used for people who work weird shifts and need to reset their internal clock. 

So I took the pills and I took the device home and followed his instructions.

At 3AM I hear my wife scream and hear a loud slam. I sat up and could feel my heart want to tear through my chest!

My wife fell out of bed. It scared the heck out of me and her as well. Luckily she was okay.

So I was laying there trying to slow down my heart rate and steady my breathing. I spent the next 2 hours trying to get situated and comfortable.

With a gauge on my finger, a long hose connected like oxygen across my face and in my nose, with the wires connecting to the device reading it, my insulin pump and tubing, and a blanket I thought I was going to strangle myself for sure.

I finally fell asleep and dropped off the unit to the doctor for him to download and see.

So is it sleep apnea? A messed up internal clock? Maybe stress? Diabetes?

I have no clue, but what I do know is that my doctor will go through the steps to figure it out.

Once again, knowing you are not alone is so comforting and empowering. Like this community, the support we get from anyone can make us feel like we are going to be okay.

Blue Candlelight

I light a blue candle as I shed a tear,

The sorrow I feel surrounded by fear.

Why did this happen? Why once again

must I light a blue candle to signify end?

So many promises of hope and a cure,

So hard to see clearly what a candle can obscure.

Where is the hope I had the day before last?

When the blue candle is lit, hope is something in the past.

I see the blue candles and cry even more,

For parents, for friends, for all who adore.

I cry for those who are next on the list,

I wonder if I’ll be the one missed.

When the family is together it feels so safe,

Like nothing dark and evil can enter this place,

In flesh or in spirit our souls stand their ground.

‘til I see those candles. And my world breaks down.

I light a blue candle as I send up a prayer,

My heart aches, my eyes sting, I cry, “it’s not fair!”

Anger is silenced while my sorrow lingers,

“Protect those with tiny black spots on their fingers.” 

AADE 2011 - My Recap

Last week I was in Las Vegas Nevada attending the AADE conference. AADE stands for the American Association of Diabetes Educators. And let me tell you, that is a big group of people!

I was really surprised at the magnitude of all of it. So many sessions going on in so many places! It was awesome just to be there.

Most of my time was spent in the exhibit hall. Both Scott Johnson and I were invited by Diabetes Care Club to the show. I have been a forum admin over there for a while now but this was the first opportunity I had to meet the people from DCC and they were fantastic. Not only did they bring me there but I had a lot of time to walk around the exhibit hall to talk to other people and check out lots of stuff. (disclosure: Diabetes Care Club covered my travel, conference admission, and lodging)

I was able to attend one session called “The DOC: What the Heck is Going On?” The presenters were Hope Warshaw, Amy Tendrich, Manny Hernandez, and David Edelman. They each spoke about the online community and the benefits of being apart of it all. I loved it when Amy said that they need to prescribe the OC to their patients! So awesome!

The best part about it all was the way it seemed to be received. The room was packed and the overall feeling was that this was a community and resource that could not be ignored. I was surprised there was not that there were no naysayers. Everyone seemed to accept social media as something they should embrace, since their patients are most likely involved in it.

I met a lot of awesome people and got to see so many people who are a big part of my life. Members of the OC, people I met at CWD, and even some local OC members.

On Wednesday night there was an awesome meet up at a Yogurt shop in the hotel.

I got meet Justice, his mom Alexis, his dad, and his little brother! Katie, Allison, Mollie, and Jackie all met up with us. It was a great time and truly the highlight of the trip.

Most of time I spent laughing with and at Scott.

Here is one of those times I caught on camera when all he wanted was a diet sodapop.

When I look back at the convention it makes me happy that so many people want to learn how to be better educators. Things change so much in the medical world that it is nice to see so many dedicated to learning what is new and how to educate others.

So thank you everyone whose job it is to educate people with diabetes.

Because some of us need to learn even the basics.

Like how to take glucose correctly!

(another disclaimer: I have never nor would I ever snort anything up my nose that was not the sweet smell of bacon cooking or nasal spray a doctor perscribed. That being said, every time a bottle of glucose tabs get poured out a part of me wants to pretend I am in some Quentin Tarantino film or something. Anyhow, hope this makes you laugh. No harm was intended.)

You Tube Tuesday #234

Last week I attended the American Association of Diabetes Educators annual conference in Las Vegas.

Tomorrow's post will be all about my time there but I wanted to share this video clip with you today.

This video was shown at the beginning of the breakout that Manny, Amy, David, and Hope, lead called "The DOC, What the Heck is Going On?" It is very interesting when you see the impact and importance of social media. 

Enjoy.